Family Ties
by Emily85
Summary: When Emily's sister Hope and her family die in an accident,life changes for the whole Gilmore Family
1. Chapter 1

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 1: Bad News**

* * *

I remember that I had a bad feeling when I woke up that morning, I don't know why but somehow I sensed that something was about to happen and that it wouldn't be good at all.

I slowly open my eyes and look at the alarm clock on my nightstand. 7:00 AM, time to stand up for me. I put my arm to the other bedside but my husband is already gone. I foggily remember him kissing me goodbye and telling me I could sleep two more hours. Where is he now? Seattle, Richard wanted to go to Seattle, so he should still be in a plane flying somewhere over the country.

I stand up and make my way to the bathroom feeling slightly cold, as I check on the heaters though, I nearly burn my hand. Maybe I get sick but then again the feeling is.different, not a sick feeling but a general discomfort settled in my stomach. Well, I've always been worried when Richard had to fly but curiously when I think of him the bad feeling disappears. Could it be something about Lorelai? Rory? No, no discomfort there either. So then I'll probably just get sick after all.

4 hours later, after finishing my breakfast, making some calls and readying myself for the DAR meeting I have this afternoon, I know that I won't be sick. A phone call from the Police deparment of Paris, France explained the bad feeling but didn't make me feel any better, instead it left a feeling a of emptiness, sadness and guilt. My little sister, Hope Christine Berthod, is dead.

* * *

_It's late summer and it's hot. Hopie and Thomas are still running around trying to catch each other like children do. I gave up on the game a little while ago deciding I would just watch my siblings enjoy themselves and enjoy myself through watching as well. Hopie laughs her own, special and so distinctive laugh, clear and loud and I'm thinking how my mother would chide her for being so demonstrative while having fun. I know Tom just runs after her because she laughs that laugh, just like I did, both of us having lost the ability to la.ugh so freely a long time ago, I even wonder if we ever possessed it._

_Finally exhausted, Hopie lets herself fall in the grass beside me, Tom does the same on my other side._

_"Gee, I haven't had that much fun in eternity. Maybe I should just stay with you two and never go back to Harvard again." Tom says and though it is meant as fun, I know that he doesn't want to go back to our father's university as well as I know that he is obligated to return. Hopie and I can be pretty sure that those joyful summer days are going to be forgotten soon either, but still we all are masters of denial, as we have learned to be and won't ever forget._

* * *

"Regent Hotel Seattle, my name is Lambert, what can I do for you?" A female voice answers my phone call.

"Hello this is Emily Gilmore, I'm the wife of Richard Gilmore, did he already arrive at your hotel?" "Yes, Mrs Gilmore your husband just got here, shall I put you through to his room?"

"Yes, please", I answer and my voice sounds hoarsely. I'm listening to the melody of the telephone service and wait until he finally answers the phone.

"Gilmore?" He says and I immediately feel a bit better, just hearing his voice.

"Hello Richard, it's me."

"Emily what happened?" He asks without hesitation.

Was it my voice, or just the fact that I'm calling him so soon after his arrival? And in the hotel. Well his

Mobile phone had still been turned off from the flight.

"My sister," I begin, then I have to compose myself, "there has been an accident. She was in a car with Paul, Guillome and his fiancee. They are all dead Richard, no one survived the...crash." I swallow hard, again, trying to sound steady, being trained to sound steady even if it's not for my best.

Richard is silent. I can hear him sitting down on the bed. There's a pause and then he says: "Darling, I don't now what to say, I'm so sorry. I know how close you and Hope were."

Well, in the last time we weren't so close and that was completely my fault, I think and guilt again seems to overwhelm me. Richard however tears me out of my thoughts.

"Shall I come home Emily?"he asks and for a moment I am tempted to say yes, thinking how comforting it would be to have him here but then reason reminds me of who I am and I decline his offer: "No, Richard you don't have to come, really I'm fine and you're going to be here in two days, don't cancel the conference, I know it's important." I rant and really convince myself while talking. I only hope I convinced him, too.

"It's just," I continue, "the funeral will take place in Paris of course. Will you accompany me there?"

"Of course, Emily, how can you even ask?" I knew the answer before asking and I love him for being so vehement about it. I do remember a time though where he didn't accompany me the funeral of one of my best friends because of a business meeting. Well, I have put all this behind me and family relations run a lot deeper after all.

"OK, my dear, I'll stay in Seattle but I don't want you to be alone. Drive over to Stars Hollow, see Lorelai and let her comfort you." He commands.

"What?" I say. Where did that request come from? Lorelai comforting me, how shall she do that. It's not as if we're constantly touching or something, more than that - we aren't ever touching. Neither on a physical basis and seldom on an emotional one.

"I want you to drive to Stars Hollow and go see your daughter. She has to know that Hope and her family died, Emily, do you want to tell her that over the phone?" He insists. Well, I was planning to tell her over the phone but Richard makes me promise that I go and tell her personally.

So as soon as Richard and I hung up, I call the Dragonfly Inn and Lorelai's French receptionist tells me that she took the afternoon off and should be at home.

And ten minutes later, I'm on my way to Stars Hollow thinking about how to tell my only daughter that her mom's beloved little sister and her whole family had been wiped out of our lives from one day to another.


	2. Chapter 2

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 2: Telling Lorelai **

* * *

„_But I don't want you to go, Emmy!" My little sister cried and pulled a face ._

„_Hope, you're not five anymore, you are seventeen. You'll find an occupation all by yourself, you don't need your big sister to entertain you." I answer impatiently, all the while packing, well, it's more like throwing, clothes and toiletries in my suitcase. I'll be off to college tomorrow and as sorry as I am for Hopie and that she has to stay in this house with my parents, I can't help but finding pleasure in the thought that I'll be gone in the morning and - hopefully - gone for good. She's their favourite anyway, she won't have to endure half as much as I had or even..._

„_It's just not fair, Emily you can't go too, I will be all alone, first Tom.." She stops short as I throw her a warning look. We have a silent agreement not to talk about our brother and while I was thinking about him a few seconds ago, I don't want Hopie to do the same. It's too painful for both of us and it only helps to let the anger towards our parents get bigger, our parents, who caused our brother to leave us, my parents, who literally threw me out of their house, a thing my little sister doesn't know about and hopefully won't ever learn. _

_I stop packing for a minute and hug her to me. She holds me very tight and I can feel her fighting against tears. I know she'll succeed, as much as I mostly do when fighting against them. Some may say we're hard or cold but when I feel Hopie press me even closer to herself and when I answer it with a soft kiss onto her dark brown hair, I know that we are not cold, I know we are not hard but we are strong, strong feeling and strong fighting, we always needed to be and yet I didn't know back then that I would have to be even stronger in the future._

* * *

The sight of Lorelai's house, appearing in front of me, tears me out of my memories. I stay in the car for a few minutes more and contemplate how to tell her the bad news. 

As I knock on her door, my daughter's so familiar voice calls out: „Just a moment please." She all but screams and I can't help but frown, despite the situation. When she finally opens the door, her hair is covered in dust.

„Mom," she exclaims, clearly surprised, or more, well, shocked „What are you doing here?"

„Well nice to see you too." I say and I'm somewhat relieved that we can begin this talk with some bantering.

„Mom, come on, are you tellin' me, you came here without a reason?" Lorelai asks.

„No, Lorelai, I didn't come here without a reason." I start to fidget with my hands and have to swallow hard again. „ I have to tell you something."

She looks at me, trying to see what's behind the words. I can tell she knows me well enough to see, that there is something wrong. Sometimes we know each other much better than we would care to admit.

„Is something wrong with Dad?" she asks and I'm pleased to hear out sincere worry in her voice.

„Your father's fine, Lorelai, do we have to talk in the hallway?"

„No, of course not Mom, I'm sorry, I was just cleaning up and didn't expect anyone." She says and leads me into her living room. It's really cleaner than usual. We sit down on her couch. „Now what's up?" She sounds apprehensive.

„Do you remember your aunt?" I start, stupid question Emily, of course she'll remember. It's not that she saw her every other week but numerous times on numerous occasions even if the last time was at least ten years ago.

„Aunt Hope? Of course I remember her. Is there something wrong with her? Oh wait, is she coming over? I haven't seen in her in eternity. You sure must miss her mom." She rants and I know that her aunt's death will be a shock to her. Hope was younger than me and she doesn't seem to spend the slightest thought to the idea that her parents aren't immortal. Parents always seem to be immortal even if you aren't especially close to them, I can tell from experience.

„Unfortunately, she isn't coming over. She.." I trail off, looking into her expectant eyes. „There has been an accident involving her, your uncle and your cousin with his fiancee, Lorelai. My sister, she died in hospital, the others were dead immediately."

She just sits still, quiet and shocked. I know she liked Hopie a great deal, even adored her when she was a little kid and teenager, she always seemed to be some kind of role model for her, so much more spontaneous and modern than I ever was.

„Wow, Mom, I'm just..., I'm so sorry I mean this is so sudden, I, I really don't know what to say. How, I mean, when did this happen?"

„Yesterday night. The French police called me this morning. I don't know much about the how, though, my French didn't suffocate in that moment. They kept telling me something else I wouldn't understand. I have to call again in the next days, I also have to plan the funeral. Paul seemingly had no relatives at all and I'm the only one left from my family, I don't know much about the girl, Guillome's fiancee. Hope told me they had married in some kind of Caribbean ceremony last summer, but wanted to legalise it in France this year's Autumn. There was more, too but I never seemed to find the time to call Hopie to ask." I explain, one again trying to suppress my feelings of regret and sadness.

„Oh Mom I'm sure she knew how busy you were. You told her about Rory and everything, didn't you?" She says, sympathetically and lays a hand over mine. I take it and hold it tight, thankful for every bit of physical contact.

„Yes I did." I affirm, nevertheless not assured that this excuses my behaviour towards my little sister. „Well, Lorelai I don't want to hold you off from cleaning, I will just go home again."

„Where is Dad?"

„In Seattle. He flew off this morning, it's an important conference." I tell her.

„Does he already know?"

I nod. „ I called him. He wanted to come home but I told him not to. In fact, he then insisted on me coming here." I conclude with a sigh.

„Well he's right Mom, you shouldn't be alone in this situation." She agrees.

„I'm not alone. The maid is there, and I call some DAR ladies and talk with them."

„Oh, OK." She says, does she sound disappointed? „You know Mom, you could also just stay here, if you want."

„Overnight?" I ask incredulously.

„Yes, Rory's old room is empty, you could stay there, at least for tonight."

„Are you scared of your father when don't offer this to me?" I smile slightly.

„No Mom, I'm worried about you. Seriously, Aunt Hope and you were very close, it must be hard for you to lose her. I think you should be around your family tonight, even if it's just me." She says, very sincere and her eyes are pleading with me.

„OK, Lorelai, I stay." I answer warmly.

„Fine, I'll get some fresh bed-sheets for you." She wants to stand up but I tug her back with the hand I was still holding. She stops short, looking at me expectantly.

„It's notjust you Lorelai. In fact I can't imagine someone else I'd rather spent the evening with today. And I really appreciate you doing this for me." I tell her tears pooling in my eyes. As she looks back at me I see tears in her eyes as well. I gently stroke my thumb over hers and tug her hand one more time before letting go. That was close for us, although I still hope to be a lot closer to her again one day. And I can feel, felt it more and more in the last weeks that we may be on the verge of forgiveness, on the verge of finally moving on.

Suddenly their is a cry outside. The door flies open, is slammed close and in the doorway stands my granddaughter Rory, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

Coming up: Rory pours out her heart over Logan, and finally makes an apologetic step towards reconciliation with her grandmother, Emily really spends the night at Lorelai's and gets a nightly surprise... 


	3. Chapter 3

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 3:Family Talk**

_Just to avoid confusion, the story takes place after „Bridesmaids revisited". The last two scenes however didn't take place so Rory is "homeless" at the moment._

* * *

"Rory, Sweetie what's up?" Lorelai rushes to her daughter and takes her in her arms. 

"I went to Honors wedding, with Logan, and it was terrible." Rory sobbs. "He slept with about every of Honor's bridesmaids while we were apart, it was all Ross-Rachel, hardcore!"

I don't know what Ross-Rachel shall mean but I feel terribly sorry for my granddaughter. Seems that Logan takes after his father after all. Rory notices me now, looking over Lorelai's shoulder.

"Grandma" she exclaims, surprised. "I didn't know you were here. Am I disturbing anything?"

Before I can say anything, Lorelai chimes in.

"No, hon, you're not disturbing, Grandma came because she had to tell me something sad" She explains.

"Sad? Is something wrong with you? Or with Grandpa?" Rory asks, worried. It feels good to see that she still cares.

"No, we're fine.I came to tell your mother, that , that my sister and her family died in an accident.Yesterday." I tell her.

"Oh Grandma I'm so sorry." Rory moves to embrace me and I willingly take her in my arms, relieved to have her there again, relieved to be embraced by someone I love. "Thank you, Rory." I say and pat her back.

Rory lets go of me but keeps her hands on my arms. "An accident you say. With a car?" I nod. "And her family, I mean who was that? Was she married, did she have children?" She asks. Right, she doesn't know the first thing about Hopie.

"Yes, she was married and had a son. He and his fiancee were also in the car, along with her and husband. It seems there was bad weather and the car crashed into another and fell off a bridge or something like that. I didn't understand everything, the policeman spoke very fast. I only know Hope was the only one who survived the original accident and was brought to the hospital, where she died later on." Probably because of a broken heart, I think to myself. If she woke up and someone had told her her husband and child had died...a cold shiver ran down my back just thinking of a situation like that. I certainly wouldn't wanna have lived anymore after such news. It's hard for me to tell Rory about the accident but somehow it also helps me comprehending what happened.

Lorelai comes from the kitchen with three cups of coffee. I thankfully smile at her when she hands me mine. Then I turn to look at my granddaughter again.

"Now Rory, tell us your worries. What did that stupid Logan guy do?" Lorelai and Rory look at me, doubtful. Well, I may not be known for "girl talk" within my family but I know how to do it, for sure. Hope and I did that a lot when we were younger.

* * *

"_I'm home!" I shout and throw my bag into a corner of our living room. I go into the kitchen, open the fridge and take out a soda. My sister comes out of the bathroom. "Hey, Em, wow, you seem to be in a good mood." Hopie remarks. I throw her an un-nerved look._

"_He just won't commit!"I say, upset._

"_Richard?" she stupidly asks._

"_No, Hope, Santa Clause. Of course Richard!" She just looks at me pointedly."I'm sorry, but how can you even ask? We met for lunch today and he said he wants to meet me tomorrow before I drive off with the girls and I once again asked him about the holidays and his plans and he changed the topic. Again. I'm really beginning to ask myself what this shall lead to. Maybe he just doesn't want to see me anymore. Maybe he went back to his stupid girlfriend after all. His mommy sure wanted him to do so. " I rant._

"_Oh come on, Emily, he loves you, he adores you. Just the way he looks at you says it all. Maybe he wants to surprise you with something."Hopie tries to cheer me up. She can be so darling._

"_Well I'd wish you were right. But I don't dare to believe that anymore. Well, what happened in your life today?" I change the topic._

"_Mom called. Again."My face fells. Can this day get any worse? _

"_What did she say. Oh wait, let me guess. You better come home soon and disappear out of my influence range or I'll infect you with my devillish depravity. As if it wasn't her fault that you ran after me." _

"_Um, actually, it was something else. She told me Tom came home yesterday. She said he was very sorry for leaving and wants to do everything better from now on. They send him back to Harvard. I don't know what they did to bribe him, Emily, but it seems he fell for it. And then she put Dad on the phone. He told me that now, since they have to afford Thomas' Harvard education again,our parents can't pay for our college and appartment anymore. So either we come home soon or we better look for a job."_

_Huh. I'm surprised. Cause this day **could **get actually worse._

* * *

After Rory told us all about what happened (or at least what she thinks she can let me know, I don't know what she tells her mother later on) Lorelai and I try to cheer her up and it feels good, not having to think about Hope or what happened. As we are in the process of choosing a film for tonight, the telephone rings. 

"Hello," Lorelai answers it."Oh, hi dad. Yes she was a good girl and came here." She says, smiling at me. I roll my eyes though I secretly enjoy this overprotective side of him. Lorelai hands me the phone.

"Hello." I just say.

"Hello my dear. Are you alright?" He really sounds very worried and I wonder how I must have sounded when I had told him that Hope died.

"I'm fine, Richard. Lorelai takes care of me very well." I look at her and she smiles at me. There is a lot of smiling between us today.

"She better does, Emily. I don't have much time, the, uh, the conference will continue in a few moments. I'll call you in the morning, ok?" He really sounds hectic suddenly and while I'm a bit disappointed, I understand that he has to go back.

"Can I just talk to Lorelai once more?" Richard asks me.

We say goodbye and I hand the phone to Lorelai again. Why does he want to talk to her? Well probably he just wants to make sure that I really really am and will be fine.

We finally agree on watching "High Society" and the film really cheers us up. I've always loved Grace Kelly.

Then we ready ourselves to go to bed. Rory obviously had a fight with that Paris girl as well so she has to sleep here too. I again offer to drive home and sleep there but Rory insists on sleeping on the couch. So I say goodnight to Lorelai and Rory and go to Rory's room.  
As soon as I made myself comfortable in the bed and am about to turn the light off, there is soft knock on the door.

"Yes?"

"Hey grandma, can I come in?" Rory peeks inside and asks.

"Well this is your room, isn't it." I answer with a smile. "Of course you can come in."

She slowly comes in, closing the door after her and then awkwardly stands in the room, fidgeting with her hands.

I wait for her to begin, but she doesn't.

"Rory."I softly prod.

"Yes, um Grandma, I just, I..."She finally looks me in the eys and continues."I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry for what happened, I really am."

I can see she is honest, more honest than she was before but still I know there is more.

"See, when I realized Logan's family didn't like me and when Mitchum Huntzberger told me I wasn't good enough to be a journalist, I was so confused and angry and then Mom wouldn't support me on this and I didn't know what to do so I ran away, to you, but I shouldn't have, I should have worked this out. And then I really got angry at myself and I turned this anger into anger against you. I blamed you for what was going wrong in my life and then it seemed you suddenly wanted to control me and what I was doing. I didn't want to hurt you, grandma, neither by leaving nor by taking money from dad, I was just so confused and I didn't want to fight with mom and I didn't want you to fight with mom because of me, so I ran away again but again I should have stayed and talked with you."

"Yes you should." I say quietly and Rory nods. "But I am sorry too, Rory. We should have listened to your mother, we should have talked some sense into you. I don't know if you would have listened to us at the time but we should have tried. Instead we pretended to know you better than your mother does and took you in.

And then I felt you drifting away, Rory, away from me and it's a terrible feeling, I've felt this way before but still I made the same mistake and decided to control you a bit more. I was wrong but still I didn't expect you, you of all people Rory, to leave this way without a note, without talking."

"I know Grandma, I'm sorry." She says and I can see tears in her eyes."But please forgive me because I don't want things to be this awkward between us."

"Rory, Sweetie, I've already forgiven you." I assure her and she moves into my waiting arms. There are tears stinging in my eyes as well and I hold her to me very tight.

"You smell so good." She says with tear-strained voice.

"Really? Like what?" I ask, not sounding better.

"Like my grandmother." She says and I smile.

"I've never received a better compliment." I tell her. We move out of our embrace and I stroke her cheeks putting some loosened hair strains behind her ears. "But Rory, you have to promise me one more thing."

She nods and looks at me expectantly.

"Apologize to your grandfather as well. He loves you so much and he's so proud of you, Rory. All this hurt him alot."

"Of course, I will, Grandma." She assures me."I love him very much too. And you as well."

I smile at her, grateful.

"And I love you, Rory.And now go to sleep, we all have had an exhausting day."

"Ok, good night, Grandma."

"Good night, Sweetie."

She kisses my cheek and leaves.

* * *

I have a lot of trouble calming down from the day, and as I finally am about to fall asleep, I suddenly hear a noise. The backdoor is opened and there are steps. I sit up in bed. Can't Lorelai just once lock her doors? Maybe it's Luke, after all. Maybe he has decided to sleep here, I try to calm myself down. Then the door to my room opens. My heart stops and I don't dare to breathe. Then I can see who it is. 

"Richard!" I exclaim, totally surprised.

"Hello my dear." He wispers and sets his traveling bag on the floor. Then he comes to me and kisses me softly on the lips.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask him, still shocked that he's here. Shocked in a positive way, of course.

"I didn't want to leave you alone after what happened, Emily, so I delegated a bit and here I am." He says, sitting down on the bed I am lying on.

"But I wasn't alone, Richard, Lorelai is here and Rory as well!" I chide him.

"Well, fine I didn't want you to be without me then. I may be a bit pompous but I thought you needed me." He confesses and I can see what he is talking about. After Lorelai left, it always was just the two of us. We're such a good couple, such a good team that it's difficult to believe that one of us could live without the other.And we can't. I can't live without him. We tried, once, after all and failed miserably because both of us were terribly miserable without the other.

"And I do need you, Darling." I tell him and take his face in my hands. Suddenly it occurs to me why Lorelai left the backdoor open. Well, she probably leaves it always open but I want to believe she just did so tonight, otherwise I'll have a hard time sleeping in the coming months, knowing my daughter sleeps in such danger.

"Does Lorelai know you were coming?" I ask him, suspiciously.

"Yes she does." He smiles.

"And did she tell you, where you'd sleep? We don't fit in this bed together, Richard, it's even narrow for one person." I gesture at Rory's bed I'm lying on.

"Oh come on, we'll manage. We did that before, you know." He grins.

"Yes, I remember quite vividly, but back then we were in our early twenties and even then it wasn't comfortable."

Richard's already changing into his pj's. He then lies down and takes me very close to him, or better, on top of him.

"I always found it very comfortable, my dear Emily." He says softly and I must admit that I'm not disliking it all too much myself.

"So, how are you?" Richard asks and then it all comes to back to me. The guilt, the sadness, the memories and the shock of having lost my little sister so suddenly.

Tears spring to my eyes and I know that I can finally begin to cry. Richard is here and I'm safe, I'm secure, I'm home and I can allow myself to show weakness. No one beside him has seen me cry in the last 42 years, I even wonder if anyone has ever seen my cry except him. He strokes my back and takes my left hand which lies on his chest in his right. We entwine our fingers and I cry myself to sleep, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat.

I really have to thank Lorelai for leaving the backdoor open.

* * *

Coming up: Flying to France 


	4. Chapter 4

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 4 : A Gilmore morning**

AN: I know Emily's flashbacks seem a bit fuzzy and confusing at the moment but I guess that's the way flashbacks are, the whole situation with her family will be explained at some point.

Thank you all for your kind reviews people. That's what keeps me writing stuff and I love you all for it.

_

* * *

_

_"Hey." Tom says, casually, as he's slandering into my room._

_"Hello." I answer curtly once again packing my things to move into another home. A home I don't plan to ever leave again though._

_"So things with Richard are going well, huh?" He asks, leaning against the open door and watching me._

_"We're going to marry, Thomas,so yes, you could say things are going well." I will not make this easy for him._

_"Emily, I know you are upset but don't you think I'd rather stayed away from home? However, theygave me no possibility except coming back, I had no money, no home,no friends." He argues._

_I stop packing to look up at him. "You could havethought about that before you left,you know. From one night to the other you were gone, leaving me and Hopie in hell. You knew things could only get worse. You, the prince, the Harvard boy, great hope of the Johnson family leaves and behind stay his two unwanted little sisters, maybe meant tomarry a rich heir sometime but certainly not worthy the Johnson fortune. You know how much I hate it when someone is a coward and runs away from his problems like a small child would do. But while I can forgive you that, I can't forgive you for coming back. You could have at least planned this well enough so that you wouldn't ever have to come back." I rant, nearly yelling at him._

_"What's your problem Emily? You don't have to come back. You are going to marry your boring Richard, lead a boring boring life as a boring housewife, have few boring children and that's it. I simply decided that I wanted to have more in life and so I came back,stopped being stupid and ,started being reasonable."He says coldly._

_"Don't you dare talking about my life or my future husband this way Thomas! You're damn right, I luckily don't have to return "home" if that's what you're calling it, because of him and I couldn't love him more for that .But I'm not selling myself Iike you are. If Richard hadn't asked me to marry him I would have looked for a job but certainly I wouldn't have gone back. And I'm marrying out of love, I know you don't know what that is, if Richard hadn't __shown me, I probably wouldn't have known it myself."_

_"I'm not selling myself Emily. I want this." He tells me._

"_So you suddenly like Harvard?"_

_"Yes."_

_"You want to be lawyer?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And you want to take over Dad's office?"_

_"Yes." He assures me. Sorry, my dearest brother,but I don't believe you for a second._

_"Well, then I really hope this is the way it's gonna be, Thomas, for our sister's sake. I don't want her to suffer any more than she already did. She came to me because home was hell. She shouldn't ever have to go through that again. She's so young, Tom." We're not much older actually, still it feels like we have been adults forever, trying to provide a childhood that we didn't have to our little sister._

_"I agree." Thomas says._

_We just look at each other for long minutes, quietly. I don't know what, made him come back but I , suddenly feel sorry for him. Our parents, especially our mother won't make this easy for him and I hope he'lI make it through, finding his own way of happiness somehow, just like I found mine with Richard._

_"Well, um, I guess I see you at your wedding then." He says._

_"Yes, probably."I nod at him._

_He gives me a short, somewhat sad smile and leaves. Somehow I've got a bad feeling about him._

* * *

I slowly wake up feeling kind of groggy and disoriented. When I open my eyes and see the Yale memorabilia on the wall I realise I'm in Rory's room in Lorelai's house. The reason comes back to me as well as everything else and I move my head a bit to see my husband still sleeping beside, or better, under me. I take a look at my watch and see that it's still very early. But when I decide that we should sleep a little bit longer and snuggle back against Richard's chest, he begins to stir. I smile and move up, laying my lips against his in a soft kiss. He begins to smile back and returns the kiss.

"That's the way I like to be awakened." He sighs contentedly.

"Hopefully only by me." I answer playfully.

"Yes, well, you and Sophia Loren." He says.

"Oh, you." I smack him.

He looks at me, grinning. Then he gets serious and brings his hand to my cheek.

"Are you better?" He asks me.

I lay my hand over his. "Yes I am. Thanks to you." I turn my head and kiss his hand.

"Glad to be of service." He tells me. .

There is a knock and then the door is opened and our daughter peeks in.

"Good Morning, guys! Hey, Dad, what are you doing here?" She asks, not really trying to sound surprised.

"Good Morning. Lorelai, the next time you conspire with your father, tell me before.I came very close to a heart attack when I heard how the door was opened." I chide her while I'm getting out of the bed. I regret having to leave the cosiness of being so close to Richard. Maybe we should sleep in such small beds more often. Then I stand up and stretch a bit.

Or maybe not.

My back hurts awfully and I instantlydecide that while we love it cosy and close from time to time, we should continue doing so in a kingsize bed.

As I walk through the door to go to the bathroom, I lay a hand on Lorelai's shoulder and lean close to her.

"Thank you." I whisper conspirationally.

"You're welcome." She whispers back.

As I come out of the bathroom back into Rory's room, Richard still sits on the bed. He watches me and then stands up and puts his arms around my waist from behind. "That's a nice pair of pajamas you've got there Mrs. Gilmore." He tells me and I can hear the grin in his voice.

I laugh a little. Lorelai borrowed me ridiculous pajamas, sloppy and with all sorts of animals on it. "If you like them that much, maybe I should get a collection of those." I put my hands over his.

"Absolutely." He murmurs and kisses my neck, sending shivers down my spine. But I can't surrender myself to them. Not now.

"Richard, please, we're in our daughter's house and I'm mourning my sister. This is neither the time nor the place for...this." I move out of his embrace.

"I know dear. I'm sorry." He at least has the good grace to look sheepish and sighs. "Well I guess I'll visit the bathroom then." As he's almost out of the door, my conversation with Rory comes to my mind.

"Oh Richard wait." He closes the door and looks at me expectantly. "Rory came to me last night."

"Rory's here?" He asks. Right, he didn't know that. I just nod, not wanting to tell him the whole Logan and Paris stories.

"She apologized to me, Richard. I apologized to her. We came to mutual understandment and now everything is forgiven and forgotten." I tell him.

"Well, I'm glad." He simply states and kisses my forehead, albeit a bit sad. I really hope Rory'll keep her promise and apologizes to him as well, soon.

When we're both fully dressed we come out of Rory's room. Lorelai stands by the sink and reads the newspaper, however she lets it sink when we come out.

"So, Mom, Dad. I can't really say that I can offer you a lot for breakfast. So we can either eat at Luke's or at the inn or..."

"Luke's sounds fine." I hear myself say, surprising my family and me. "Um, your father told me he serves a pretty good breakfast."

"Yes." Richard says. "He has no grapefruit though. A shame."

* * *

We decide to walk to Luke's and while we're doing so, Rory stays a bit behind. When we arrive at the diner, she says: "Um, Grandpa could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Here?" Richard asks.

"Well of course here,darling. I'll go in with Lorelai and order something for you and you can talk with Rory, when you come in everything is served." I shush him.

"But you don't know what I want for breakfast." That is the most ridicolous thing Richard has ever told me I guess.

"Richard, we've been married for 41 years. We've been in countless hotels together. We have had about a million breakfasts at home together. In all that time you didn't change your breakfast taste once. But today you're doing so?" I aks him, incredulously.

"Fine, go order for me." He finally gives. Stubborn man.

I go into the diner with Lorelai. Luke is there and serves. He's wearing that ridiculous cap but I decide not to say anything. I'm on good terms with my daughter at the moment and I don't want to jeopardize it this time. If she thinks Luke is the one for her, I have to surrender, although I always thought there was more of spark in her eyes when she was with Christopher. Well I guess she has to decide who makes her happy I just hope she doesn't realize that it isn't Luke after her wedding. And I really hope everything between Christopher and her is crystal clear, though I don't have that impression. Now she kisses Luke, albeit a bit awkwardly. I don't know if that's the case because her mother watches or because there isn't everything alright between the two of them. She talked about his newly discovered daughter a bit reservedly and I wonder if she is an issue for her and Luke. I guess I'll have to wait and see, she won't tell me yet, we're not on that good terms.

"Hello Luke." I great my future son-in-law.

"Hello, Mrs.Gilmore, oh hey, I'm really sorry about your sister." He says.

"Thank you Luke, I appreciate it." I say politely.

"So what do you want for breakfast?" He asks, looking at both Lorelai and me."Oh Mrs.Gilmore I bought grapefruit. I know your husband likes it. Do you want some too?"

"Yes thank you Luke, that's nice." I smile, at least he's trying to make an effort. Lorelai and I order for us and Rory and Richard and then sit down at one table by the window. I'm not wiping off the seat this time, it was a bit pompous the last time and I don't really know why I did it. Sometimes I only do things to provoke my daughter just as she does when it comes to me I think. We both enjoy the game from time to time till one of us oversteps the line between game and seriousness and then things only get worse until we kind of reconcile and begin the game anew. Well maybe we manage playing without overstepping that line sometime. I honestly hope so.

I look outside the window to see Rory talking with Richard. I watch my husband's face and am glad to see his features slowly getting softer. Finally Rory stops talking, I see Richard say something and then take her in his arms, just like I did yesterday. His face is turned towards the diner and when he looks at me and smiles, I can see tears pooled in his eyes. I smile back at him. We've got our granddaughter back. I just hope to be able to have Lorelai in my arms one day again. I look at her across the table. She looks toward the counter, excited as always when it comes to food. I smile and think how beautiful she is, how perfect. If only I'd find the words to tell her.

Rory and Richard come in, tearing me out of my thoughts. They greet Luke and then sit down at our table, Richard across from me beside Lorelai and Rory beside me. She briefly puts her head on my shoulder and I kiss her hair.

"So, pancakes, bacon, eggs, rolls, donuts, grapefruit, tea and coffee." Luke counts of our breakfast ingredients as he sets it on the table. Lorelai, Rory and I all reach for the coffee.

"Well, now I know where the addiction comes from." Luke says, grinning slightly at me.

"Yes, well I cut back a lot over the years but I definitely need some in the morning." I explain.

When look goes back to the kitchen, Lorelai looks at me and begins speak, with food in her mouth, of course. Who raised that girl?

"So Mom, when do you think will you go to Paris?"

"Oh I don't know for sure." I look at Richard unsure. He just shrugs as well. "I have to call the French police later on and then reactivate some of my friends in Paris, so they can maybe help me organize some things. Today's Monday, I think the earliest we can fly is Wednesday, though the end of the week is more realistic, I guess."

"And you're really the only relative?" Rory asks.

"Yes, it seems to be that way. I know Paul didn't have any family left and Guillome's fiancee obviously hadn't either although I agree that's curious. And I'm the only one left from my family." I don't dare to look at Richard who I know is looking at me. I'm thinking about Tom too, but he doesn't count. Not anymore.

"Well, maybe you inherited a fortune, mom." Lorelai says, getting excited.

"Oh I don't think so. Hopie was never good with money and Paul was just a normal bank employee. She told me once they had saved a bit money but that will only be enough for the funeral, I guess."

* * *

Three days later Richard and I are on our way to the plane which should fly us to Paris. As much as I hate flying, I love airports. The business, the sounds, the feeling to be able to go whereever one could wanna go. I'm thinking about how excited I used to be when we were about to fly to Paris, now I feel kind of numb and empty, that city provides no temptation anymore.

Richard lets me sit by the window and I stare out, watching the houses and streets and cars get smaller and smaller till we're above the clouds. My husband strokes my hand and I turn to him and smile. It's an "everything's all right, don't worry"- smile but he doesn't buy it. He puts up my armrest and then lays his arms around me and draws me against his body. I heavily lean on him and continue looking out the window and while he kisses my hair from time to time, I slowly fall asleep.

* * *

Ok the Flying to Paris got a bit short but I wanted to take time to describe a Gilmore family breakfast first.

Coming up: A whole chapter Paris (the city ;-) )


	5. Chapter 5

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 5: Parisian surprises**

* * *

I slowly awake as the plane gently sets down and the metallic sounding voice of the stewardess announces that we arrived at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

I take my head of Richard's shoulder and look down to see that he fastened my seatbelt while I was sleeping. Smiling I turn my head towards him and kiss his cheek.

"Finally awake,huh, sleepyhead?" He asks.

"Thank you for not waking me up." I tell him and he kisses my cheek in return.

"You're welcome, my dear."

We leave the plane and get our luggage. Coming out of the security area, we spot a man who holds a sign reading "Mrs. Emily Gilmore". That's a first. Normally people always look for Richard when we arrive somewhere abroad. We walk to the man and identify ourselves.

"Bonjour, je suis Emily Gilmore,et c'est mon mari, Richard Gilmore." I tell the man holding the sign.

"Bonjour à Paris Madame Gilmore, Monsieur, I'm very sorry we don't meet at a happier occasion, I'm your late sister's lawyer, Gerard Javier." The man introduces himself in perfect English, though with a heavy French accent. "I'm administering your sister and brother-in-law's testament and heritage and would like to accompany you to your sister's house later on to settle everything, if you don't mind. There's also the question of the child." He tells us and I nod. The child, well, Guillome was 32 but Javier isn't the youngest anymore, for him he probably still seemed to be a child.

"What about the girl?" I ask. "Didn't she have any relatives?"

"You mean your nephew's wife? No, she was a single child,too, and as far as I remember her parents both died of cancer a few years ago." His wife? Oh well, technically you could say they were married.

"What Hotel are you staying at?" The lawyer asks us.

"The Ritz." Richard answers. We're staying at the Ritz? He didn't tell me that before. I smile up at him, grateful that he's trying to make this visit as pleasant as possible for me.

"Very well. I guess it's to late for settling anything today. How about I come to your hotel tomorrow around ten a.m.?" Javier proposes and Richard and I agree.

It's past 10 p.m. when we arrive at the hotel. I'm not really tired, having slept during the whole flight but I can see Richard is, so we decide to go to bed immediately without eating or anything else first. While my husband is in the bathroom I look out of the window, the streets of Paris busy as always. I used to love this city, we stayed here during our first and second honeymoon and with my little sister living here, Paris always was my favourite destination in Europe. Now it seems to have lost it's charm and I wonder if I will ever look forward to visiting it again. Richard comes out of the bathroom and sees me standing by the window. He puts his arms around my waist from behind, a gesture so perfectly familiar. Must be our different heights or something else about our bodies but I always seem to fit exactly in his arms this way, his head on mine, my hands on his where he has put them on my belly. I wonder if he began with that gesture when I was pregnant with Lorelai but I don't remember, maybe I don't want to.

"It feels different this time for you, doesn't it?" Richard asks, reading my thoughts from a few minutes ago.

I just nod and lean heavily against him, still not tired, but exhausted, from travelling, from Paris, from life.

"Let's just go to bed, Richard." I say, a sentence with a quite familiar touch as well.

We lay down on our king-size bed and I have to smile, remembering the first time Richard and I came here in our honeymoon. We had booked the honeymoon suite, of course, and as we arrived there we saw not one king-size but two smaller beds, standing at least three meters apart. In the honeymoonsuite! Well, we managed, we had slept in even smaller beds together before. At least each one of the two small beds had been a lot bigger than Rory's bed we slept in together a few days ago and we were 40 years younger back then. Not that we got much sleep anyway. I smirk and Richard sees it.

"What's so funny, my dear?" He asks me, already smiling as well.

"I thought about our first stay here and the two beds in the honeymoon suite." I answer truthfully and his smile becomes a grin.

"Well, it had quite a nice touch, being with you in such enclosed space." He says and pulls me close. "It still has."

I don't know what makes me do it, maybe I just want to feel alive, maybe I want this place to provide good memories in the future as well, but I begin to kiss my husband hungrily, passionately, quickly getting him rid of the pj's he just put on a few minutes ago, Richard responds to me equally eager, undessing me in a matter of seconds. I can feel he's aroused and I can't help but be proud at still having this effect on him after the 42 years we've been sleeping together. I leave his mouth to kiss my way downward. He moans my name while he lets his hands wander up and down my body. We make love passionately yet tender and I wonder if our love making felt the same way all those years ago, when we first stayed in this hotel. Richard has always been tender with me,not once hurting me physically in all those years. Still there is even more reverence in his touches today, he seems to worship my body now more than ever which isn't a common occurrence in marriages as long as ours I guess.

Afterwards we lie together, my head on his chest and his arms around my body. I'm not sure if I should feel guilty, after all my sister isn't even buried yet and I enjoy myself having sex. But then I dismiss the thought. Hopie surely wouldn't have had anything against it and it helped me relax a great deal.

"Are you alright?" Richard asks, once again reading me like an open book.

I let my fingers play on his chest and smile slightly. "Yes, darling I'm quite alright." I turn my head and kiss his bare skin. Again we're silent for awhile. Then Richard begins to chuckle.

"Well, Emily you sure have a way to get me to be perfeetly awake. I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to and I don't want to because now I'm really hungry." He tells me and I sit up a bit, putting my chin in my hands and my elbows on his chest.

"Still hungry after we've just done? Mr. Gilmore you're quite insatiable." I declare, looking sheepishly at him.

Laughing he remarks: "Well, Mrs. Gilmore you bring out the best and the worst in me. And you? Not hungry at all?"

"Hm, I must admit I wouldn't say no to some French food now either. Oh Richard I want crème brûlée! They do it wonderfully here, can you oder some?"

"Anything for you my dear." He promises, kisses me on the nose and calls the room service, ordering in French. I love hearing him talk French it sounds so sophisticated and smooth.

Our food arrives promptly, the Ritz has a very good room service, and it tastes delicious. Finally tired, I let myself fall to bed after eating and try not to think about tomorrow.

* * *

I must have succeeded because I immediately fell asleep. Richard and I eat breakfast the next morning in silence and prepare ourselves to go to Hope's house. It's a bit outside from Paris and Gerard Javier has organised a chauffeur who drives us and him to it. Richard and he do a bit small talk, mostly in French and although I understand every word, I rather stare out the window looking at the people, houses and landscapes we pass, the bad feeling in my gut getting worse and worse. Finally we arrive at the house. I get out of the car and let my eyes roam. Not much has changed since our last visit and yet everything is different. Normally Hopie and I would have been in each others arms by now.

* * *

"_Emily!" She cries as she runs toward me. I let my bag fall and enfold her in a tight hug._

_"Hey babysister." I say and she scowls. I grin and we break apart taking each a good, measuring look._

_"You look great"We then exclaim simultaneously and begin to laugh. _

_"Come on, let's get you settled and then I show you around. Richard can stay with Paul." Hopie says and goes to greet Richard while I greet Paul. He's a good looking man, a good bit older than Hopie and me and also than Richard but still he has something boyish upon him and I can see why my sister fell for him. We make our way into the house all the while chattering. We haven't seen each other for six months now._

_Hopie shows me around the house and garden, explaining and all the while looking at me, excited and a bit nervous, it seems. _

"_So what do you think?" She finally asks after finishing her tour._

_I look at her and take my time to answer, teasing her a little. "It's beautiful Hopie, it suits you perfectly."_

"_Really?" _

"_Really." I say and we hug again. _

"_You're not angry?" Hope asks._

"_No I'm not , why should I?" _

"_Because of me leaving so fast.Emily, this may have seemed head over heels but I thought about it really careful before and this is the right thing for me." She assures me._

"_Hopie it's Ok, really." I promise, but she isn't wrong in her asumption completely. I was disappointed she left so quickly and I really thought she should have talked it through with me. But then again I didn't talk to her before agreeing to marry Richard either.Well, I really hope we'll tell each other about important decisions and happenings in our life again in the future. _

_We're spending wonderful, easy-going and relaxing days at my sister's house until that afternoon, when we get the call. Richard and I are sitting outside on the patio, enjoying the sun and reading a bit when Hopie comes out and looks at me gravely. _

"_Emily." She just says._

"_What is it, honey? You look serious." I tell her and she nods._

"_It is serious. I just received a phone call. It was mom. She tells us to come immediately."_

_I'm about to protest against this ridiculous request when Hope continues.  
"It's about Dad, Emily. He's...he's dying." _

* * *

Now there's no Hopie running to me and I'm very glad that Richard's here and puts his arm around me while we're walking towards the house.

When we step in, I immediately realize that it still smells like my sister and tears spring to my eyes. I'm willing them not to spell over though and succeed.

"Because there are no other relatives, Mrs. Gilmore you're inheriting the house and everything in it of course. The maid and nanny are still living here at the moment, someone had to take care of the baby, you know." Javier tells us and Richard and I just stand there, dumbstruck.

"What baby?" I finally find the words.

"Your sister's grandchild. You surely knew about her." He looks at us, still shocked to the bones. "Oh. You didn't know about her then" He concludes.

I shake my head. It seems that Hopie didn't quitetell me abouteverything that happened in her life.

"Well, um, your nephew and his wife have had a daughter.She's six months old." The lawyer tells us. "And, Mrs. Gilmore, I don't want to scare you but as well as inheriting your sister's belongings, you also inherite, so to say, the child."

He got me scared.

* * *

Coming up:Isabelle


	6. Chapter 6

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 6 : Isabelle**

* * *

"I don't know what to say...where is she?" I ask dumbly still not quite understanding. Why didn't Hope tell me this? Did she want to, was it the thing she wanted to tell me when it was "more quiet" in my life? I feel extremely guilty again, not knowing my only sister became a grandmother.

Javier leads us in the kitchen. Marie, my sister's maid and cook is preparing food there and looks up when she sees us coming. "Oh Madame Gilmore, I am so sad, very sorry." She says with a heavy accent, comes to me and shakes my hand. She works for my sister for as long as Hopie lived here, being a young girl when first employed by her and now she is nearly our age. I like her a lot, a charming and vivid person. If only I could find a maid like that.

"I know Marie, thank you."

"Marie, where are the nanny and the baby?" Javier asks in French.

"They're upstairs. Isabelle is restless, crying a lot, Annie has problems calming her down. She misses her parents, I guess." Marie tells us, also in French.

"Isabelle..., so that's her name?" I ask and Marie and Javier nod. I look at Richard. He hasn't said a thing since we learned of the baby and I nearly laugh when I see his shocked face. But then I remember I probably don't look much different at the moment. We go upstairs and walk to what I guess will be the nursery. The house has a lot of rooms, small rooms but I know that my sister fell in love with it because it had so many. She always wanted more children I muse. I mean, I wouldn't have mind another child as well, but it didn't work out that way and I was content with having Lorelai. We step into the room and see a very young girl, not older than Rory, probably even younger holding the quaking infant.

"Mrs. Gilmore that is Annie, your nephew's nanny and well, that's Isabelle." The lawyer unnecessarily explains.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Gilmore." Annie says politely, without any accent. I must have looked at her questioningly because she says: "I'm an au-pair from Great Britain actually, Monsieur and Madame Bertaud hired me over an agency."

I nod and walk towards her, taking Isabelle out of her arms. She stops quaking and looks at me with big blue eyes, obviously pondering whether or not she likes me. She has very dark hair, just like Hopie and Guillome have had and her features look astoundingly like my sister's when she was a child. Well, maybe I'm just imagining things, everyone always thinks babies look like members from their family branch, I remember a distant aunt telling me how much Lorelai looks like me. Ridiculous. Her eyes, her facial features, her height, it's all Richard. Her character though, well that's a different matter.

I turn and walk towards Richard. Isabelle's judgment of me seems either to be positive or still not fully accomplished since she's just looking at me without making any sound at all.

Richard takes a look at her and smiles.

"She looks at lot like your sister and you when you were children." He says. Is he imagining this as well? We'll never know her mother and she certainly doesn't look like Paul, so I decide that Richard and I are right.

So, now here we stand. "What do we do now, my dear?" I silently ask myself and try to find out what Richard thinks. Then Gerard Javier speaks.

"Your brother in law has made a testament, Mrs. Gilmore. Of course he leaves everything to his wife and son. And you are heir to them. The house belonged to him and he had a small bank account, as did your sister and your nephew. All in all, the accounts should be worth about 20.000 dollar. The child will be put in your custody, though only if you want that, of course. Otherwise, she'll be given to adoptive parents." He ends.

"Of course we'll take her." Richard exclaims before I can say anything. Oh, I love you Richard Gilmore.

"Very well." Javier says. "Then I suggest you take her with you today."

"What about me?" Annie chimes in.

"Will your agency provide you with a surrogate job?" I ask. She nods. "Then I suggest you stay here until they found something for you. Marie will live stay here anyway till we decide what we will do with the house." I look at Richard while saying the last words and he nods. What do we do with the house? Will we sell it, keep it, give it to Lorelai or even Rory? We have a lot to talk about and I guess the main topic won't be the house but the now sleeping infant in my arms.

Annie helps me packing what Isabelle needs and we say our good-byes to Marie and her. Marie agrees to stay and keep the house and garden clean and tidy. We go back to the Hotel, I have to sign some documents Javier brought with him and Richard organizes a baby bed. I tuck Isabelle in and Richard and I let ourselves fall onto the bed, completely exhausted from this memorable day. We lie there for a few minutes, feet still on the ground, arms beside us and stare at the ceiling. I turn my head towards Richard exactly the same moment he turns his toward mine.

"So..."He begins to talk but drifts off.

"I have no idea." I answer his un-asked question. "But thank you for deciding to keep her."

"No way could we give your sister's child off to adoptive parents, Emily." He says sincerely.

"Yes, well, still it doesn't go without saying. This is not going to be easy Richard, we're not the youngest anymore and to take care of such a small child..."

"We'll manage. " He promises and takes my hand in his. We remain silent for a while. There are a million things we must discuss but not at the moment. We're both too tired and too shocked. There are pictures of Hopie in my mind, her wedding, Guillome, Isabelle. Suddenly I remember my own child.

"I call Lorelai." I tell Richard and stand up. "She has to know about this." I look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Four fifteen. That makes it ten fifteen in Stars Hollow. She should be at the Inn by now. Still I first try it at home. And I'm lucky because she answers on the second ring and I don't have to listen to her newest horrendous answering machine text.

"Hello?" She says, sounding hectic, but then again she always sounds hectic.

"Lorelai this is your mother."

"Oh, hi Mom. Is everything alright over there?"

"Well, actually, there was quite a surprise waiting for us here." I begin and she immediately cuts in.

"Ha! Aunt Hopie had a fortune after all, I told you so Mom, I knew it, you inherited a lot of money, right?"

"Um, no or well it has indeed something to do with my heritage but it isn't money Lorelai. I, or better we, inherited a baby." There's complete silence. I very seldom have seen my daughter speechless and I nearly enjoy it a bit that I've accomplished to bring her to that point.

"A baby" She repeats, matter-of-factly.

"Yes."

"A real baby?"

"Well, of course a real baby Lorelai."

"You could have meant a puppy, you know, are you sure it's not furry?"

"If I had meant a puppy, I would have said I inherited a puppy. But I said baby and I meant baby. It's Guillome's daughter. Her name is Isabelle and she's six months old."

"Wow, I mean, wow, did you know about this?"

"No, I didn't. I guess Hope and I didn't ever find the time for her to tell me this." It was your fault, my inner voice tells me but what done is is done, I have other things to take care off, I can't feel bad and guilty for that forever.

"And what to you wanna do now?" Lorelai asks. Good question my dear.

"Well your father and I decided that we'll keep her. She would have been given to adoptive parents otherwise and we didn't want that."

"Yes that sounds reasonable, I guess."

"We're not quite sure how we'll manage, but that's the way it is. I just wanted to tell you."

"Yes, thank you Mom. Did the funeral take place yet?"

"No, it's tomorrow. I just wished it was over." I sigh.

"I can understand that. Mom I'm sorry, but I gotta run, I'm already late, I'm afraid." There is real regret in her voice.

"That's ok Lorelai, go."

"Call me when you're back, will you? I really want to see...what was her name?"

"Isabelle."

"Yes Isabelle. I really want to see her."

"We will call. It's going to be in three days I guess. Maybe you could come to dinner that night. I know it's not going to be Friday but I - "

"I'll see if I can manage Mom. See you then."

"Alright. Good-bye Lorelai."

"Bye Mom."

I turn off my cell phone and walk over to the bassinet. Isabelle sleeps peacefully looking adorable. There's nothing like a sleeping baby. I remember my own daughter being that small and peaceful. Where did all the time go? What way did my life go?

* * *

"_You can stay in this room, Emily. Hope Christine you stay here." Our mother says in a commanding but monotone voice. Hopie throws me a short cheering-up look and then disappears in her room while I walk into mine. It's one of the smallest rooms in the house. I realize that it's the former nanny's room. There's not much more than a bed and cupboard in it. I sigh audibly and ponder if I should even un-pack my stuff. I decide to do it later and get some fresh air right now. Yes fresh air is good. Ten minutes in my parent's house and fresh air seems to be the most appealing thing in the world. I'll walk through the gardens. They were always the best thing about this house. I all but run out of my room and bump into my brother. _

"_Hey, wow, slowly Emily. Welcome home." He grins and bends awkwardly to kiss me on the cheek. I turn my head away. _

"_This isn't my home, Thomas."_

"_Oh come on, you forgot your origin?" Wipe off that unbearable grin, Tom. Who did you become?_

"_And how are things going in Harvard?" I change the subject._

"_Great just great. And how are things with Richard?" I want to slap him when I hear him say Richard's name in that voice which makes the word sound monotone and boring. _

"_Just as great. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to take a look at the gardens." In that moment Hopie comes out of the room. Tom turns to her and kisses her on the cheek as well. She is however more willing than me to talk with him. She's a harmony-addict, always was. As I'm about to go down Thomas calls out to me: "Hey Em, I forgot to ask. Are you already preggers?" I stop walking and turn slowly to look at him. My stare is hateful and as we look at each other across the hallway for what seems to be long minutes I can see him flinch under my gaze. We used to be so good, so strong together fighting things we didn't want, fighting for Hopie, for ourselves. Now we're standing here, the decisions we made between us like an invisible wall and still as he finally averts his gaze I can see regret in his eyes._

_I walk outside and the cigarettes I had packed for this trip come to my mind. I reach in the pocket of my jacket and thank God as I find them there together with a lighter. I wander around for a minute and when I reach the pool house I lean against a wall of it, looking at the main house and trying to remember the good times here. I think of my dad, I'm here to see him dying, but in reality his spirit died a long time ago. I'll tell him good-bye but he told us good-bye a long time ago. Hopie followed me and I wordlessly hand her a cigarette. She leans on the wall beside me and lights it. After a while she says: "I take it you're not pregnant then."_

_I scoff. "I'd tell you if I was, Hope."_

"_Good." She says and we continue smoking silently lost in our own thoughts. _

_

* * *

__Later, I visit Dad in his room. He lies in bed looking ill and very weak._

"_Emily." He says his voice sounding hoarse._

"_Hello Dad."_

"_I'm glad you came."_

"_Well, I guess it was expected." _

_He sighs at my coldness. "You know Emily I didn't want things to be this way between us."_

"_Still you did nothing to stop Mom from throwing me out."_

"_Would you have liked to stay?"_

"_I'm not one to run away from my problems, Dad. I would have stayed, yes, until I married."_

"_I had nothing to say in the matter, Emily." How idiotic._

"_Come on, you are the man." I'm getting really angry now._

"_But your mother has the money. And if she thinks a woman who is no longer a virgin shouldn't stay in our house, she can decide to throw you out. You could have gotten pregnant out of wedlock Emily."_

"_No I couldn't, Dad, I'm not dumb I took care of that. I was twenty years old."_

"_You could have married before you slept with that guy."_

"_We're not in the last century, you have to have sex before you get married. Otherwise there could be bad surprises waiting for you." You know that Daddy, don't you?_

"_Did come here to fight with me?" He says, bitter._

"_No, I didn't. But to see that you don't regret doing this to me makes me realize that you don't care about me just like mom. I say good-bye to you now Dad, I'm sorry it has to be that way but I don't belong here anymore, I guess I didn't ever belong here."_

_He says nothing. I turn to walk out and as I reach the door he softly mumbles: "Good-bye my dear. I'm sorry." I look at him one last time but he averts his gaze, staring out and looking even more ill and weak than he did when I came in. More so, he looks defeated. _

_I take my bag and say my good-byes to Hopie, who'll stay here for a few more days but agrees to come visit me and Richard afterwards in Hartford._

_As I'm about to walk out the main entrance, Mom steps in my way._

"_Where do you think are you going?" She asks._

"_Home." I simply answer._

"_You are home."_

_I just give her a snort._

"_Your father is dying." _

"_Yes well who can't understand him for doing so?" _

_When she slaps me it stings just like it used to do but she can only hurt me physically now, no emotion is stung by it anymore. I will not run upstairs and cry and think about running away. And no big brother will come to me and take me in his arms and say: "Don't give up Emily, you're a fighter, you know that." Those words come to my mind right now. And he was right I am a fighter but I don't want to fight against mom anymore. It's useless and it always was._

"_Go Emily, go back to your Richard and get unhappy with him."_

"_As if you care."_

"_You're right. I don't care." _

_I walk around her to the door._

"_If you walk out that door you won't ever set any foot in this house again Emily, I swear."_

_I stare at her coldly._

"_What kind of mother are you? First you throw your daughter out of your house and then you tell her she can't ever come back? Go to hell mother. Or to the bar. That's your favorite place anyway." As I walk out into the dark and the rain to go home, my own, cosy and warm home, I swear to god that if I will ever be a mother, I won't be the kind of mother she is. I will care for and about the life of my child and I won't ever throw my child out of it's home, neither will I ever forbid her or him to come back. _

* * *

Isabelle stirs and tears me out of my thoughts. She opens her eyes and looks at me. I take her in my arms and feel that she trusts me just as Lorelai used to do when she was a child. I take a look at Richard and smile slightly as I see that he fell asleep, snoring softly, still fully clothed.

With Isabelle in my arms I walk to the window and look out. Maybe we'll be better parents this time around.

* * *

Coming up: Getting to know the whole family 


	7. Chapter 7

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 7: Meeting the family**

_AN: There's no flashback in this part, and I think I'm going to do a few chapters just describing the family reacting and living with Isabelle, tell me if that's alright with you pls!_

* * *

I wake up to loud crying and am disorientated for a moment. What is this? I sit up, look around and reality hits me. I'm in Paris, in a Hotel room and the crying comes from Isabelle. I stand up quickly and walk over to her bassinet. I carefully take her out and check her diapers but they aren't full. She probably is hungry. I look at my watch. Four AM. I sigh and look for her milk. I put her bottle in the baby bottle heater we bought and wait. Isabelle has quietened a bit, sensing she's getting some food I guess. Lorelai has never stopped crying till the bottle hit her mouth. I tried breast-feeding her at first, but I did not nearly have enough milk for her. She was always hungry, I guess she still is. Well, better than those thin, skinny children where you have to shove the food in their mouth. The bottle is ready and I feed Isabelle with it. She sucks hungrily and looks up at me while doing that. She really is a delightful child, not very cranky, smiling a lot, luckily not yet comprehending what bad luck fate had provided her with. She seems to be fine with Richard and me as well. She liked me from the beginning, well, Hope and I did look similar. She quaked a bit when being with Richard at first but he pulled funny faces at her and now she seems to be really comfortable in his arms. He used to do that with Rory too, when she was a baby. I look at him now and he's sleeping deeply and soundly. Typical. That man wouldn't wake if an airplane crashed down beside him. I remember when Lorelai was a baby, I insisted on putting her bed in our bedroom. He protested that he had to go to work in the morning and could not sleep with Lorelai next to us. His mother had a coronary too, of course. A baby in the parent's bedroom, impossible. Well I put her in our bedroom for the first six months and Richard did not wake up once! I stood up every night, fed her, changed her diapers and calmed her down and he just wouldn't wake. In the morning he would stand up and tell her what a delightful daughter she was, not disturbing her parents at night. Once, I let her cry for about an hour just to check if Richard would hear it eventually (I first checked if she was alright of course). He woke up and said "Emily, Lorelai is crying." A minute later, he was fully asleep again. I didn't want a nanny at night for my daughter, I felt bad enough for leaving her during the days. When she got those ear infections, I stayed awake at her bedside for about two weeks, before Richard persuaded me that we better hire a nurse for the time being. But they wouldn't stay either, Lorelai wore them all out, so the job was on me again. Luckily I soon found the song that ultimately calmed her down and so I could get some sleep again. I really, really was a very tired woman by the time my little girl was completely healthy again. And I'm a tired woman now. Isabelle fell asleep again, bottle in mouth. She looks absolutely adorable and I gently put her back to bed and tuck her in. I wonder how she'll take the flight. It's nearly five by now and I crawl back in my own bed to get some sleep before we got to get ready to go home. I think of the funeral yesterday. It wasn't all too crowded, a few friends of Hope and Paul, a few friends of Guillome and his wife, some colleagues, Marie and us. Annie took care of Isabelle during the ceremony. I really want to go home now, sleep in my own bed again. I turn to Richard and move closer to him. I ponder whether or not I snuggle up to him. Well I won't really wake him and if he really should wake, he would fall asleep again in a matter of seconds so I just do it. I put head on his chest and put my arm around him a bit. He stirs a bit and turns towards me onto his side. He brings up his arms and embraces me to him. I smile and kiss his chest before I fall asleep. I really don't need my own bed to be home.

* * *

When I wake up again, Richard is already awake and packing. I look at the clock. It's nine already. 

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask as I crawl out from under the covers.

"You looked so angelic, I didn't want to disturb you. We have still enough time. Good morning." He kisses my cheek while I pass him on my way to the bathroom.

"Morning." I mumble. I really need some coffee right now. Luckily, when I come out of the bathroom, freshly showered and fully clothed, breakfast was already brought by the room service. We always take our last breakfast in a hotel in our room, it's our own tradition. The coffee smells great and I drink some eagerly. Richard comes in from the adjoining room with Isabelle in his arms. She looks even smaller when he holds her.

"Did she awake?" I ask, superfluously. As if he would dare to take her out if she was still sleeping.

"Yes, she did. And I changed her diapers." He answers proudly.

I nearly choke my coffee. "You changed her diapers?"

"Yes. Took me awhile to figure it out but I managed."

"I'm impressed." He grins like a small boy, who got his first A in a math exam. Well you could have had that before, Richard Gilmore. Your daughter had diapers too.

"When do we arrive in Hartford?" I ask him.

"Around four PM."

"Shall I call Lorelai and ask her if she wants to come to dinner tonight or do you think we'll be too tired and jet-lagged? It's Sunday so maybe Rory could come to."

"I won't be too tired, Emily, I'm accustomed to this." Yes and usually you're tired as hell.

"Well I won't be either. I'll call her then." I ponder how I'll manage to get her before we fly. It's five AM in Connecticut right now and our planes takes off when it's eight over there. That's too early to call on a Sunday. Well I leave a message on her mobile phone voice mail, hopefully she hears it before we arrive.

* * *

Our plane is a little late and I have to admit that I am indeed a bit tired when we arrive in Hartford. The tiredness is wiped away at once though, when Richard and I step out of the security zone and Lorelai and Rory are standing there, waiting for us. Our daughter and granddaughter waiting for us at the airport. I look at Richard and see that he is really amazed by this as well. Well, curiosity really gets out the best of Lorelai, I got to say. 

"Lorelai, Rory. What are you doing here?" I ask them when we get close.

"Well Mom, you know, Cat Stevens is going to arrive at exactly this gate in about two hours, so Rory and I decided to come here before to get the real good viewing places." I roll my eyes but secretly enjoy this side of her. It usually means that she's in a good mood and a bit embarrassed for doing something nice for her parents so she ridicules about it.

"Well isn't that nice." I say and move to embrace Rory. I awfully smell like airplane but I got hug her, it's so sweet they came. I really would like to embrace Lorelai too. You normally do that when you come home from abroad and your daughter is waiting there for you. I remember how she came running to us when Richard and I arrived at home and she was a child and how we would hug her close, so happy to see her again, so happy that she was happy to see us, so happy that she needed us that bad. But we won't hug now. I really don't know what it is between the two of us but there's some kind of wall and we can't tear it down. We have to make it smaller, stone by stone. I guess it's not as high as it used to be but sadly we put some fresh stones on it, now and then.

Rory moves out of my embrace and Richard hands me the baby carrier to hug his granddaughter as well.

"So I take it you heard my message then?" I ask my daughter and put a hand on her arm to show her at least that I'm happy she is here.

"Yes, well I heard the phone ringing too, actually." She admits.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Lorelai, I thought you turn off the tone at night. I didn't want to wake you, really I didn't."

"Doesn't matter Mom, I normally do turn the tone off, I just forgot, but I soon fell asleep again." She waves it off. "Now let's look at our newest family addition."

I put the carrier on top of our luggage on the trolley and lift Isabelle's blanket a little.

"She luckily slept during the flight but I'm sure she awakens soon." I tell my daughter and granddaughter who both look at the baby.

"Aww, she's so cute." Rory coos.

"Yes she is, isn't she?"

"She looks like you, mom, when you were a baby." Lorelai says. I look at Richard and we both grin.

"We thought so, too." Richard tells her. „Well, I guess we should go home, don't you think?" He then asks us.

"Will you two stay for dinner?" I want to know from Lorelai. Please say you do.

"We planned to, yes. If you are too tired, however, we can..." She begins.

"No, we're not tired at all, we're glad you'll stay." I interrupt her. She nods, smiling, and we walk towards the exit.

On the trip home Richard and I tell them about the funeral and how we were surprised with Isabel.

"Was it easy to take her with you? She is French by law, isn't she?" Rory asks.

"Yes she is. However, since your grandmother is her only relative, it just took a few formalities which your great-aunt's lawyer had already prepared."

We arrive at home and Richard carries our luggage inside. As soon as we're in the house, Isabelle awakes and begins to fuss. I take her out of the carrier and calm her down. I sense Lorelai and Rory watching me. Rory hasn't ever seen me with a baby, I think, and Lorelai barely has. She did not let me carry Rory around all too often, when she was a baby. She wanted to do it all by herself and in addition, Rory seemed to be taken with me and Lorelai wasn't all too pleased by that at the time. I turn around to face them now.

"Anyone?" I offer them Isabelle. Rory seems a little scared but Lorelai gladly takes the baby in her arms.

"Hey, aw, you're really quite a cutie." She tells Isabelle. The baby however seems not to be persuaded and begins to cry. Lorelai looks a bit disappointed and I have to smile.

"She's just tired, it was all too much for her, so many new people, the flight and leaving her well-known environment." I comfort her while I take back Isabelle. She stops crying immediately. "She probably is hungry too. Richard where did you put her bottle?" I call up to my husband.

"In her bag, right on the top. " Richard calls back.

"Dad fed the baby?" Lorelai incredulously asks.

"Yes and you better sit down, he even changed her diapers!" Now she really looks shocked.

"I wouldn't believe it too at first, but he did really well, I got to say. However I would have loved to see his face when he accomplished that task." I wink at them and we all chuckle.

I get Isabelle's bottle and heat some milk for her. I then feed her and put her back to sleep into her carrier.

"We have to furnish a room for her in the next days. We just took with us what was necessary and buy the rest in the next days."

Richard comes down the stairs, he has showered and put on some fresh clothes. I should definitely do the same.

"Well, Richard you can entertain our guests now, I'm going to re-fresh myself a little." I tell him and go upstairs. While I'm making my way to our bedroom, I ponder which room we'lluse for Isabelle. I neither want to use Lorelai's nor Rory's since I want them to have the possibilty to come here whenever they want. They probably won't take me up on it, but I don't want to cut them of that chance. I already took out a few things of Lorelai's room during the wave of anger towards her which hit me a few months ago. Bui of course it's still her room, I couldn't turn it into anything else. Her things are still in the basement. Except the dollhouse which Richard brought to her one night. We had a major fight afterwards, As if I would have sold it. I wanted her tome here and get it, that's all.

But those two rooms and our bedroom are the best rooms in the house. Hm, I guess we'll take the one beside Rory's, it's large and a lotof light is coming in. No balcony there though. Well maybe it's better that way, I ruefully think.

* * *

The shower was wonderful, all the disgusting aeroplane smell washed away and it also had a soothing effect on my muscles. I change and go downstairs to join my family again. The scene that greets me lets my heart swell and I guess this is one of the moments you gladly would die for. Richard sits on the couch with Isabelle in his arms and Rory sits beside him, head on his shoulder watching the baby squealing with delight as they both put on grimaces for her. I just stand a few meters away watching them for a moment when Lorelai comes out of the bathroom and stands beside me. 

"Now, who of them is the cutest?" She asks me, grinning.

I grin too. "Tough decision. I guess I vote for Rory trying toentertain both her grandfather and her new...grand-cousin? Great-grand cousin?" I'm confused.

"Hm, Guillome wasmy cousin and Rory and Isabelle are our children, that would make them grand-cousins I guess. Or Isabelle is my grand-cousin. I don't know, Mom but I guess it'll be more like you are her parents and we'll be her sisters or aunts, don't you think?"

"Yes, well, I'm not sure if I want that, I mean we'll raise her of course but we will be around for limited time only you now."

"Mom," she says in her "please don't say something like that"- voice, "You and Dad are going to be around for along time coming."

I smile at her. She can be so sweet. She can.

"I just thought about which room we could use as her nursery." I change the subject."What do you think of the room beside Rory's?"

"Hm, it's nice, but why don't you use my old room? You don't really need a gift-wrapping room, do you?"

"It's not a gift-wrapping room Lorelai." I quietly tell her.

"What did you turn it into then?"

I turn toher. "I turned into nothing. It's still your room."

She just looks at me, comprehending and understanding what I just said and what it means for her, for me, for us. Then she just nods slightly and we both turn back to look at Richard and Rory with Isabelle. Richard notices us now.

"Well, you two, come on you can join us, entertaining that little girl here."

Just as I'm about to go to them, Lorelai holds me back slightly by laying her hand on my arm.

"Thank you." She says and I nod just as slightly as she did before. I walk towards the couch where the rest of my family sits and as I'm already a few meters away from Lorelai she quietly adds: "Mommy." Tears spring to my eyes at hearing that word she now nearly never uses when addressing me. I quickly swallow them. I was always glad that she did still calls me Mom, not Emily or mother like many grown-ups do, especially when they're not on best terms with their parents. But when we were still on better terms she always called us Mommy and Daddy and I'd be all too happy to hear the word more often again. I remember the last time she called me that. We got into a major fight afterwards. I turn to her now again. I no longer want things to be like that between us. But for the time being, I can only try not to fight with her and wait for the right moment to talk. I just hope it'll come.

* * *

Coming up: Adjusting to new situations 


	8. Chapter 8

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 8: New and old matters**

_A/N I hope you like this chapter, thank you all for your kind reviews. This chapter is mainly family interaction again, I know it doesn't happen much at the moment but I really like to portray the family a bit closer since those are my favorite scenes on the screen as well. And don't worry there will be happening something soon. However I plan to fill the next two chapters mainly with interaction too. Tell me if you approve pls, or if I should change the plan. This is my longest chapter so far, I think, enjoy!_

* * *

We sit around the dinner table and enjoy our meal while chattering around. Since our cook and maid are not working today I ordered food from my favorite restaurant and it's great.

We're already eating dessert when an idea pops into my mind.

"Say, does anyone of you want to do the baby-shopping with me tomorrow?" I look at Rory and Lorelai.

"I can't, Emily, I've got an important meeting." Richard denies.

"Don't you say." I say sarcastically, letting him now that the question was not for him to answer. As if I'd like to go shopping with him. I'd rather go to hell than shopping with a man, especially if it's my man, looking at his watch every three minutes and asking me constantly if I finally have everything I need.

"I'd like to go, Grandma, if we can do it in the afternoon." Rory tells me.

"Sure, we can. Thanks Rory. What about you?" I look at my daughter.

"I don't know how much work I've got to do tomorrow. I'll figure it our before noon and call you then, Mom." Lorelai answers.

"Fine. I'll unpack Isabelle's other things before noon and put them in her new room, then I also have the better overview about what we still need."

"Does she already have teeth?" Rory wants to know.

"Yes, she does. Most babies get them around three months. A terrible time, you wouldn't stop crying for days." I look at Lorelai while I'm talking. She looks at Rory as if she wants to say "see how terrible I was, I wouldn't let my poor mother sleep" in that sarcastic way of hers. In that sarcastic way of us, I should say I guess. But I didn't mean that by saying that it was a terrible time. "What really upsets you as mother is that you can't really do something. Your baby is in pain and all you can do is try to calm her down and distract her." Now she looks a bit sheepishly. Good.

We finish our dinner and afterwards we go up and I show the room that I've got in mind for Isabelle to the girls.

"Wow Mom, I've never been in this room." Lorelai says.

"Don't be ridiculous Lorelai, you've been in every room here." I tell her.

"Not this one." She insists.

"My sister and her husband always slept here when they were visiting." I inform Rory, ignoring my daughter. "Richard's mother however wouldn't because there's too much light in here. She slept in the guest room across from this one and always had the curtains closed as if she was some sort of vampire."

"Aunt Hope slept here?" Lorelai asks.

"Yes."

"Then I've been here before."

Gee, girl you're so exhausting. She turns to me now and grins. She only wanted to tease me all along.

"Lorelai what do you think of the wallpaper and the curtains?" I want to know from her.

She shrugs. "I don't know, I guess they could be a bit more baby-ish right now."

"Yes, well, I think so too. And since we both have the same opinion here, I think you should really re-decorate the room with me. We'll go choosing colours and fabrics together and you can be around with me the whole time when the decorateur is doing his work. You know what they say about four eyes seeing more than two, huh? It'll be fun." She stares at me dumb-founded. Ha, paybacks are a bitch my dear. And the re-decorating really will be fun. At least for me.

Richard comes in, carrying Isabelle. "Emily, someone needs new diapers here and while I'm really good at changing them," I roll my eyes at that, I guess I have to hear that now for all eternity. "I think it's your turn, my dear." He hands me the baby. She lays her head on my shoulder and begins to play with my pearl necklace. What is it with babies and necklaces, I'll never know.

"Fine honey, we change your diapers. Rory do you wanna watch? You might have to do it in the near future." At that, Lorelai is rolling her eyes. Not ready to be a grandmother yet? Well, I wasn't either. It's strikes me that I was exactly Lorelai's age when I became one. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a great-grandmother now, so Rory, take your time please. We go to the guest bathroom and I put Isabelle beside the washbasin. She sits there quite comfortably and grabs what's in her reach, playing shortly with it and then throwing it on the floor, taking delight in the fact that Rory picks everything up and hands it back to her so that she can throw it on the floor again. I deliver my granddaughter of her struggle when I find a fresh diaper in the baby bag and change Isabelle's dirty ones quickly. I haven't unlearned it and the baby doesn't even quake till I've finished the task.

"Wow, you're quite good at that, grandma." Rory says, impressed.

"Yes well I'm not as good as your grandfather of course." I tell her, smirking.

"Of course not." She says, dead serious and then winks at me.

"I don't want to throw you out, but don't you have to go? It's quite late already." I ask my girls when Rory and I come out of the bathroom to Lorelai and Richard.

They all look on their watches.

"Oh yes Mom, you're right. We really should go. You must be tired and we got to stand up early tomorrow."

"Sorry for keeping you that long." Rory apologizes.

"Nonsense. It's always a delight to have you here." Richard tells them and I nod. We accompany them to the door and then Richard tidies up the living room a bit.

"Come to bed, darling, the maid can do the rest tomorrow morning." I tell him while I'm trying to get the baby back to sleep. But Isabelle doesn't seem all too tired. She watches Richard and then devotes herself to my necklace again. We go upstairs taking her travelling bed with us. She had still slept in a crib in Hopie's house, so we need a new bed for her anyway and just took the one for travelling with us. Richard has some difficulties in putting the bed up and I try my best not to laugh at him. I nearly suceed. When he finally acclompished his task and I lay Isabelle down, she immediately begins to cry and holds her arms up to me. I take her out again and she stops crying.

I smirk. "Your work doesn't please her."

"Very funny Emily.What do we do now? "

"We'll wait till she falls asleep and then we put her down again." I tell my husband and we move into our bedroom. Richard disappears into the bathroom to change and I sit on the bed with Isabelle. She already sits on her own and I guess she'll soon begin to crawl. Now she looks at me with those big eyes which are still a bit teary.

"You're so cute." I softly tell her and stroke her cheek with my fingers. "Why didn't your grandma tell me about you, hm?" I ask and sigh. "You don't know of course, I know." I can see how her eyelids are getting heavier and she slowly falls asleep. I carefully lift her up just as Richard comes out of the bathroom and I motion to him that I bring her to bed. I lay her down and put her favorite toy in with her. Annie told us that it was this soft toy, a koala bear which she got from her grandfather. I look at her one last time and then I go back to our room, leaving both doors open, in case we, or better I, wouldn't hear her otherwise.

I change into my nightgown and put cream on my face, then I lay down beside Richard who already sits in bed, reading. I put my head on the pillow and realize it isn't mine.

"Richard you've got my pillow." I tell him.

"Why do I have your pillow?"

"Well..." I'm a bit embarassed. But I have to confess now. "When you are not here or when you leave in the morning, I exchange our pillows so that I can lay on yours."

"But why? We have the same kind of pillows haven't we?"

"We have. But only yours smells like you. It feels as if you're still there." I blush at having to tell him that. He chuckles.

"Well maybe I want to keep this pillow then."

"Why would you do that?"

"I'm not the only one who smells good here you know."He tells me smiling.

"But if you keep this pillow it will soon smell like yours again."

"That's unfair, I always stand up before you and so I won't ever have the pleasure to lay on your pillow and enjoy your scent."  
"Well, that's your own bad luck." I say. "And it also has it advantages,because you can always smell the original as long as you're in bed, you don't have to fall back upon pillows." I pull out my pillow from under him and put his one back there again.

"And what do I do when I'm abroad?"

"You can take a bit of my perfume with you. When we were apart I sneaked into the poolhouse and stole a bit of your after shave and eau de toilette and put in on your bedside."  
He chuckles again. "You did?"

"Yes." I admit.

"You're cute, Emily."

"I'm not." I insist and move into his arms. He turns off the light.

"Yes you are." He says into the darkness. I give.

* * *

Isabelle just woke once through the night, she really seems comfortable with her new environment. I'm glad, I don't want her to experience more stress than she already did. Richard left very early having to catch up the work he missed when we were in Paris. The maid helps me putting the things for Isabelle we took with us in her new room and I make a list with the things we still need. Lorelai calls me and surprises me with the news that she indeed has time to come shopping with Rory and me in the afternoon. I put the baby in her carriage and we all meet at the mall at four. We buy a lot of clothes for Isabelle, every dress more sweet than the other and get some really nice furniture for the room. Our last stop is the toy shop where we look for some things Isabelle's old enough to play with. Richard and I took some of her toys with us and she happily plays with her noise making duck ever since she woke up in the furniture shop.

"How about this Mom?" Lorelai has a really ugly turtle figure in her hand. It was so clear that this was the first thing she would turn up with. Rory and I look at her, doubtful.

"Come on. Isabelle will love it." She takes the duck out of the baby's hands and puts the turtle into it. Isabelle looks at it for a moment and begins to cry. I take the turtle and give it to Rory who puts it pack to it's original place. Then I hand the duck back to Isabelle and she stops crying. Lorelai pouts. This is going to be exhausting.

* * *

After one more hour and a minor fight with Lorelai cause she insisted on me buying her a Hello Kitty phone with caller ID – I can't believe that she really is ready for marriage – we sit down in the food court and get ourselves some ice cream. I still don't go here when I'm alone but I quite enjoy sitting with the girls.

"So Mom, when will you begin with looking for a nanny?" Lorelai asks me as we're eating our ice cream.

"Well, I don't know." I hesitate a bit. "I've thought about not hiring one at all."

Lorelai chokes. "What?"

"Yes, I mean I've got enough time now, I could cut back a little with the DAR, maybe I get some kind of part-time nanny who will only be coming when I really need her, more like a babysitter you know."

"I can watch her too sometime, if you want me to, grandma." Rory offers. Lorelai shots her a look. I pretend not to see it.

"That would be nice Rory, thanks for the offer."

"I don't know Mom, have you really thought about this?" Lorelai asks me quite aggressively.

"As a matter of fact, I did." I say. What's up with her all of sudden?

"Hm." She just makes and looks at the baby, pouting a bit. Could it be she's jealous? What of? She really isn't the one who wants to spent all her time with me. I look at Rory who just shrugs back at me. We all are distracted for the moment however when Isabelle reaches out her arms to Lorelai. Delighted, my daughter takes her in her arms.

"Hey cutie, you sure know what's good huh?" She gently talks to Isabelle who really seems to be very comfortable with her. I look at Rory and we both look at Lorelai and give her a very meaningful look. After a while she looks back at us, at first not comprehending our stare. When she finally does, she scowls.

"Oh come on. We're not...ready for that yet. "

"Lorelai you won't have forever." I remind her. "The clock is ticking you know."

"Yes I know." She sighs.

"Why didn't you get a second child, grandma?" Rory asks me.

"Oh I don't know, I guess it just didn't work out. We tried for a while, but..." I begin to tell her when Lorelai interrupts.

"Mom, please!" She moans.

"What?"

"You tried for a while? I don't want to hear that!"

"Well how do you think you were created?" I want to know.

"I don't know. One-shot, ok?"

"You honestly think that your father and I don't have sex?" I enjoy teasing her.

"Mom." She closes her eyesand shakes her head. Well, every child doesn't want to know about her parents having sex. Luckily mine really didn't have except three times. I'm sure of that. I hope.

"Well, alright, I stop. To come back to the original topic, Rory, we always wanted a girl and when we didn't get a second child we decided that Lorelai..."

"...was enough." Lorelai interrupts me again. She makes it sound as if we had so much trouble with her that we didn't want another one who could be the same.

"Yes, you were enough." I say giving the sentence a different, gentle intonation, smiling at her. She slowly smiles back at me, but then looks at Isabelle again, a bit sad. I really have to know about this, but this is neither the place nor the time. I guess I'll just stop by her town later this week.

* * *

When I arrive at home, Richard's already there, surprisingly. I put the sleeping Isabelle upstairs in her bed and then I walk into the living room.

"Richard are you not feeling well?" I ask him.

"I'm fine, Emily, you said we'd have dinner at seven thirty today and here I am." He answers.

"That we normally eat at a certain time didn't hold you off from being late before."

"Yes well, I missed you so much that I couldn't be another hour without you." He tries.

"Really?" I say, standing before him now and looking up to him suspiciously.

"Ok fine, Floyd wasn't feeling well and we have canceled the last meeting we had scheduled for today." He gives in.

"Ha, I knew it, we married for too long, Mister, you can't fool me with flattery."

"A shame." He concludes and looks down at me. "Hello Emily." He greets me then.

I smile. "Hello Richard." He bends down a little and kisses me.

"So how was your shopping trip?"

I tell him about the clothes, the furniture, which will hopefully arriving tomorrow, I really hope I made myself clear there. Lorelai insisted that I made myself quite clear, but you never know with that furniture companies. Afterwards I show him some of the toys. And then I tell him that I don't necessarily want to hire a full-time nanny.

"Well that's your choice Emily." He just says.

"But do you think I can do it?" I ask a bit unsure.

"Of course you can. You can do about everything." He says and kisses my nose before he stands up. "Let's eat dinner shall we?"

I'm not so convinced that I can do everything. Why would I organize frivolous and meaningless things most of the time then? I realize that Richard's remark about this still stings and I wonder if I should talk with him about this or just let it go and file it under "unsolved marital issues". For the moment I am distracted at least when I see a letter addressed to me on the table.

"What's that letter?" I call out to Richard.

"Oh it arrived today, Emily." He calls back.

I take it off the table and hold my breath when I see who the sender is. I slowly walk into the dining room and look at Richard.

"It's from Hope." I tell him. "The postmark is from the day before she died." I can see him swallow and I guess we both have goothbumps right now. Getting a letter from your dead sister, that's a bit too morbid for my taste. I sit down and slowly open the envelope. I take out the letter and photos fall out of it. I look at them and tears spring to my eyes. They show my sister and Paul, Guillome and his fiancée. Each one of them is shown with Isabelle in their arms at least once and their is a picture of the five of them together. And then there are pictures of Richard and me and Hopie and Paul from our last visit there during our second honeymoon last year. It strikes me that I should have taken Hopie's photo albums with me when I left her house. There must be a million of memories in there. Of us, of her family, of my family. I really have to call Marie and ask her to send them to me. I guess I was too busy to find all of Isabelle's things, I didn't think of taking some from Hopie at all. I wordlessly shove the pictures over to Richard and unfold the letter. Then I begin to read.

_My dearest Emily,_

_I have so much to tell you and we never seem to find the time for doing it over the phone so I write you this letter today although it will take so long to arrive and I will be so excited and anxious about your answer._

_Your approval always meant so much to me, my dear sister, and I really am a bit afraid of what you have to say to this news. I'm a grandmother now! Guillome's fiancée Nathalie or wife as he says (I want to wait for the wedding which I am actually attending however, before I call her that, I guess you understand) has given birth to a baby girl in November. I'm sorry for not telling you before but you seemed to be that busy and I didn't want to tell you in between and then I was that busy, and, well, I'm tellling you now._

_The name of my first grandchild is Isabelle and she's extraordinary cute. I know you will say she's not as cute as your Rory was, but I have to say, she is at least as much as sweet. But of course I will say that, because I am the grandmother. I really spend a lot of time with her since Guillome and Nathalie are both working again. Nathalie is an author for geograghical books and really is a very nice person, I guess you would like her too._

_So Emily I really hope you appreciate me telling you about all that this way. Call me soon when you get the letter and then you really have to visit and judge me and how I am doing as a grandmother. When you came with Rory and visited me two years ago I so admired the good relationship you and her have. You are a great grandmother Emily, I hope I'll be this good, well you can give your little sister advice, can't you?_

_I'm really looking forward to talking with you again, seeing you again my dear, and of course I look forward to June third, Paul and I will both fly over to celebrate with you and Lorelai._

_I love you, sis, take care and greet Richard and Rory and Lorelai from me, with many kisses,_

_Your Hopie_

_P.S.: I lay by some photos of us last year and of my expanding family, I hope you like them!_

When I finish reading, tears are streaming down my face uncontrollably. How I would like to call her now and reprimand her for not telling me before no matter how busy I seemed to be. I so like to tell her how happy I am for her and hear her laugh and just talk with her about anything. I didn't know that she was yearning for my approval that much and I would so gladly have given it to her. Richard comes over to me and I stand up and move into his arms. I sob quitely into his chest and give him the letter so he can read it. There's no secrecy of the post between us and I really want him to read it as well. When he is ready he puts the letter back on the table and I look up to him. He has tears in his eyes as well.

"We really have to take good care of her." I tell him, still crying.

He hugs me into his chest again. "We will." He says quitely. "We will."

* * *

Coming up: Talking 


	9. Chapter 9

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 9: Truth and Consequences**

* * *

On Wednesday morning I decide to take Isabelle to the doctor to have her checked up thoroughly. There's a pediatrician in Joshua's group practice and I get an appointment immediately. When I step into the practice with Isabelle in her carrier, Joshua greets me.

"Emily, what a pleasure to see you!" He kisses me on both cheeks and then steps back to take a look at Isabelle. "And this is your new family addition? She's adorable." He says.

"Thanks, Joshua, we have an appointment in a few minutes with the pediatrician." I tell him.

"I know, Emily, she's not ready for you yet but I told her to take her time because I want to check up on you first." He grins. Oh no, I hate examinations.

"I've only been here!" I exclaim.

"That was almost a year ago. Come on, I promise it won't take long. Richard won't be pleased if you refuse a health check."

"Are you threatening me with my husband?" I ask incredulously.

"I believe I am." He grins.

"Well, let me tell you, I'm not scared of Richard."

"Hm Emily, ok then, but I am. When he learns that I let you refuse an examination he's going to hurt me at least and if you should really be sick he's going to kill me."

"Fine I guess I have to comply then. To safe your health." I give in, flattered that our friends think that Richard loves me that much. Friends with whom I know Richard talks about me.

"I'll be eternally grateful."

I try to leave Isabelle with the nurse but she won't have it, and cries until I take her with me. I am examined very thoroughly and Joshua also takes a blood sample with me complaining that I have to come back then but he promises to call and tell me the result.

"Well you seem to be in very good health, Emily." He tells me when he's finally finished.

"I told you so."

"It's better to know it, isn't it?" He asks.

"Yes, it is." I admit. "Joshua, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When Richard came here for his health check a few weeks ago, was there everything alright with him?" I ask, unsure.

"Yes, there was. His heart works fine, blood sample was okay. Didn't he tell you?"

"Oh yes, he told me but I wasn't sure. You know, I believe he wouldn't tell me if there wasn't everything alright so that I don't get worried." I explain. "Would you tell me if there was something wrong one day?"

"Emily, you know if he wishes not to tell you, I can't..." He looks into my pleading eyes and gives in. "I would let you know one way or another. But don't worry now, you both have a long life ahead of you, so god will." He assures me.

"Thank you Joshua." We say our good-byes and I go right into the next room where the doctor already waits for me and Isabelle.

* * *

Isabelle sleeps soundly as I make my way to Stars Hollow, the examination completely wore her out. There are so many new things and people for her, I just hope she's young enough to cope well with all that. I arrive at the inn and hear her voice already from outside. I step into the Dragonfly and see my daughter at the phone. She seems annoyed. And it seems to be a personal phone call, maybe it's Luke. I can't really understand what she saying, but when I get nearer she hangs up with the words "Fine, do whatever you want, and please, don't include me." I wonder if I should go again since she obviously isn't in a good mood and she and I should definitely only talk to another when we're both in a good mood, but while I'm still wondering if I should leave, she discovers me. "Mom!" Lorelai exclaims, surprised. „What are you doing here?"

"Oh I had doctor's appointment with Isabelle today and I thought I could stop by on my way home." I explain to her.

"Mom, your doctor's practice is in Hartford. Stars Hollow's not on the way."

"Well then maybe I just thought I could visit my daughter." I admit.

"Aww I'm touched. You're not forgetting your old daughter now you have a new one. "She says, grinning but I can't help but notice that there is an underlying seriousness in her tone.

"Don't be silly, Lorelai." I admonish her.

"And what did the doc say? Are we all healthy?" She asks, patronizing.

"Yes thank you we're all quite healthy. Joshua insisted on examining me as well. Ridiculous."

"Of course it's ridiculous how on earth could you get sick? Perish the thought." She mocks.

"It's good to see you're happy I'm healthy."

"You're welcome." She closes our bantering. I get serious.

"Lorelai can I talk with you for a minute about something?"

"Sure."

"Can we go into your office?" I request.

"Uuh it's secret. Great, I love conspiracy." I shake my head while she cries out to Michel to take over the counter. I twitch a little hearing her talking that loud and am about to comment on it when she shots me a warning look that says "not today Mom". We go into her office and sit down.

There's a moment of silence and then I begin to speak.

"Lorelai I came here to hear yourhonest opinion concerning me not wanting to hire a full time nanny for Isabelle."

Her smile vanishes and she stiffens."

"Well, I don't know what to say to that Mom, what do you wanna hear?"

"I want to know if you think I'm capable of raising her mainly myself."

"Are you sure you're asking the right person?"

"You're my only daughter. Who else could I ask?"

"Hm, Mom, what I'm asking myself is how your situation is different from when I was a child except

that you're nearly forty years older now."

"I was in a different situation back then. " I point out the obvious. Not so obvious for her apparently."How?" She asks.

"I was freshly married. A complete stranger in Hartford. Your father was only starting his career."

"And now you can start over with a brand-new child."

"I don't want to start over. I just thought I could do some things different this time." I try to explain it to her in a calm way, not understanding why she is making such a fuss but feeling that she's irritable today.

"And why couldn't you do it that way with me? Is she so much better? Was I that unwanted?" She shouts all of sudden. Ok, girl you may be in a bad mood but you better not talk to me like that.

"She's not better than you Lorelai and you were definitely not unwanted! I had to build up a life with your father, make contacts with so many people, had to organize so many things and events back then to take up the role your grandmother and those surrounding her expected me to play in Richard's life. I wanted to be a good wife. And I wanted to be a goodmother believe me. I obviously failed horribly you made that clear often enough but I always tried to be there for you when you needed me." I shout right back.

"Well let me tell you, you weren't, and that hurt! And it also hurts that you always seem to know what's good for me, don't accept my own decisions and that you never ever are happy for me when something good happens in my life." Where did that come from? I see she wants a discussion of principles, well she can have one.

"You know what hurts me Lorelai? That you don't remember how I came to every single school event you wanted meto come. That you don't remember how often I sent your nanny home to go spend time with you, shopping, playing, sleigh riding, everything you wanted. That you don't remember how I made mashed banana toast and sat with you every time when you were sick. That you didn't even spend a single thought at how much you devastated your parents when you left our house with sixteen. That you compare me with Stalin in public magazines. That you have told every single one of your friends how horrible and heartless your mother is. I often think I know what's good for you Lorelai and I only want the best for you just as you want for Rory. I do things which seem mean and meaningless to you but I only want to show you that I care. My mother never cared for me. I could have married the devil himself and she wouldn't have cared as long as I had still been a virgin. She threw me out ­of her house and told me to never come back. I did everything to keep you at home, to make it a home for you, a safe home and you leave. You leave because I'm so horrible that you can't stand it anymore. From then on you never told me what was going on in your life. You didn't tell me you were going to marry. Twice. You didn't even tell me Luke was your boyfriend." I can see she wants to say something but I continue with my rant. "I went to Christopher and invited him to our wedding because I thought it was him you wanted and that you only settled on Luke. I thought so because you have a child with him. I thought so because you always seemed happy when he was around and because I saw you devastated in my house when he left to be with Sherry. Maybe I don't know you at all, Lorelai, but what I know for sure is that you don't know me at all. Otherwise you couldn't stand here and tell me you were unwanted." I'm finally finished. Lorelai just stares at me, speechless, and I notice that I cry. I can't stay here. I grab Isabelle's carrier, she woke up during our fight and cries, and all but run out of the office, the inn, right into the rain and into my car. I drive a few blocks and then stop to weep openly. Why does it always have to be that way with us? Why can't she see how much I love her? Why can't I just say the words to her? I take the still crying baby in my arms and try to calm her down while I'm getting calmer myself by the minute. I don't want to go home now so I drive to Hartford and walk around there for a while.

When I come home, I don't trust my eyes. Lorelai sits on our front porch, coffee in hand, wet to the bones. "I locked my keys in my car." She just tells me and pouts.

I want to hug her to me and never let go again, no matter how wet I would get. Instead I just open the door and let us in.

"You need to change your clothes and dry up." I say quietly and we walk upstairs. I hand her some ofmy clothes and she disappears into the bathroom. I put Isabelle to bed and then wait downstairs in the living room.

Lorelai comes down aftertwenty minutes, hair dry and in my clothes. I can't help but smile a bit. "You look very distinguished." She nods and smiles too. Then she sits down beside me and we stare straight ahead into nowhere for a while. I'm thinking about what to say.She came here. We're beginning to see the light, I guess. After there is silence for a long while, I begin to speak.

"Why did you come here?" I ask her.

"I don't know." She answers.

"I'm sorry." I manage to say.

"For what?"

"For breaking you and Luke up. For not staying out ofyour business. For not being there for you when you needed me. For not being the mother you wanted. For taking Rory in and not sending her back to you. I should have known better. Me of all people."

She just nods and seems to work up her courage to speak.

"I'm sorry too Mom." She then states.

"For what?" I repeat her previous question.

"For saying stupid things about you. For pretending not to remember all the things we did together. I do remember sleigh riding and mashed bananas mom, I do remember you coming to all those school events when all the other mothers were preoccupied. When I got pregnant and people finally started to notice you defended me before your friends, before Chris' parents, even before Gran. That was great Mom, but nevertheless, I felt oppressed and wanted to it all by myself and you always seemed to be there, telling me how to do things. So Ileft. I didn't want to think about how sad you might be, I didn't want to feel guilty. So I drew this picture of you and dad, of the horrible heartless parents and I often believed it myself. You weren't horrible mom, really, you weren't. We just don't know how to talk with each other. I don't know how to tell you things because I so want you to approve and I'm so scared that you won't. When Luke and I broke up I put all the blame on you because I wanted to think that you wanted to destroy my happiness just like I had destroyed your picture of a perfect family. When Rory left I thought the same."

"I don't want to destroy your happiness Lorelai." I assure her..

"I know." She just says and we don't speak for a while.

"I'm sorry for one more thing." I tell her and she looks at me expectantly.

"For not telling you how much you mean to me." I look her in the eyes and tears pool there.

"You mean a lot to me too, Mom." She says. "I'm also sorry for making such a fuss about this no nanny for Isabelle thing. I was just jealous, I guess."

"You don't have to be. I just don't want to make the same mistakes I made with you and I thought maybe you could help me there. I can't ever replace you, Lorelai. I tried with Rory, maybe, I don't know but you are my daughter and you're the ­only daughter I want."

"I'll be glad to help mom and you're going to be a great replacement mother for Isabelle."

I nod, grateful and then I notice the time. I stand up from the couch..

"I've got to take care of dinner. Do you want to stay? I'm sure it's enough for three."

"I'm afraid there's still a bit work left in the inn from this afternoon." She apologizes.

"Oh of course Lorelai, go, go and work." I'm a bit disappointed but there will be other dinners. A lot more dinners from now on, I hope. I accompany her to the door and then we just stand there awkwardly.

"Well, um, I go then." She says.

"Yes, fine." I answer. She turns to open the door and I want to go to the kitchen when she suddenly turns to me again and wraps her arms around me. A wave of warmth and comfort swaps through my body and I slowly lift my arms to hug her back. When Lorelai feels my arms around her she only hugs me tighter and I can feel my neck getting wet from her tears. I inhale her scent which still smells like when she was sixteen. As I'm finally holding my baby in my arms again, it feels as if the last twenty­ two years just fall off of me and everything seems so light and easy at once. "My angel" I whisper softly to her and she whispers back "Mommy". We stand there that way for what seems to be hours and still the time is much too short. Then we let go of each other reluctantly.

"Bye Mom." She smiles.

"Goodbye Lorelai. Drive safe." I smile back at her. I close the door after her but again I am prevented from going into the kitchen when the doorbell rings. I open the door and Lorelai stands there, smirking. "Um, well we either call a key service now or you have to lend me your car."

* * *

_A/N:I don't want to draw a picture of eternal happiness for Lorelai and Emily now, so don't jump on me. I wanted to continue things on a different level from now on, so I had to write this scene. I really will try to update faster this time. Thanks for all the nice reviews so far, contiunue please ;-)._

_Coming up: More unsolved family matters_


	10. Chapter 10

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 10: Memories and Nightmares**

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long to write this chapter. I wanted to move the storyline along and was hit by writer's block really hard. I plan this story to be around 16 or 17, maybe 18 chapters long, btw. Thanks for all the nice reviews, enjoy reading._

* * *

I'm in bed already when Richard comes home. He called soon after Lorelai left, telling me that he wouldn't make it to dinner. I'm wide awake however, pondering the consequences of my talk with Lorelai.

Richard's still in his coat when he steps into the bedroom, he always is when he returns home so late. I guess he wants to see his bed as fast as possible, and I like to think that he wants to see me as fast as possible. He looks tired.

"Hello Emily, sorry for being so late." He tells me when he bends down to kiss me hello.

"That's alright. Tired?" I ask him.

"You could say so. Floyd's been missing work for four days and now that he's back he schedules so many meetings that you would think he's been ill for four weeks. He's absolutely unnerving. During the last three hours nobody was talking but him." He got rid of his clothes and moved in and out the bathroom while he was talking, only stopping when brushing his teeth. He puts on his pj's and lies down beside me with an exhausted moan.

"My poor darling." I coo and move my hand to stroke his hair. He sighs and puts his head on my belly. His voice is muffled when he speaks.

"And how was your day?"

"Quite good, actually. I went to the doctor with Isabelle and she and I were thoroughly examined. Then I went to Stars Hollow..."

"What did the doctor say?" Richard interrupts me.

"Isabelle's and my health are just fine." I tell him. He turns his head to look me in the eye. I guess he wants to see if I tell him the truth or if I lie for not to worry him. I can't blame him, I know the feeling.

I smile. "Joshua threatened that he would tell you if I refused an examination. I told him I'm not scared of you but he insisted anyway."

"He better does." Richard says. I guess Joshua was right to be afraid of him.

"Yes and he even called to tell me the result of my blood samples tonight. He must have put an "urgent" sign on those." I chuckle.

"Well maybe he's afraid of you." He grins. "And your blood is healthy too?" He wants to reassure himself.

"Everything's fine, Richard." I assure him. He nods, content. I stroke his cheekbone with my fingertips.

"I talked with Lorelai today." I begin.

"Oh yes, you mentioned Stars Hollow. How are things going at the inn?"

"They're alright I guess. I didn't mean that kind of talked, Richard, I meant we really talked." I tell him.

"Oh." He just makes and takes his head of my stomach. "And?" He looks at me expectantly.

"Well, she wasn't in a very good mood when I arrived at the inn. I asked her for her opinion regarding me raising Isabelle alone and she really jumped on it, asking why I couldn't do it that way with her and if she was that much worse or unwanted."

"How dare she say..." Richard interrupts, just as I know he would at this point but I lay a finger over his mouth, quieting him. Then I tell him about what I said and how I left and how Lorelai sat on our doorstep in the rain. Then I move on to our talk in the living room and how we came to a sort of mutual understanding.

"I even told her how much she means to me. And when we were at the door, she hugged me."

"You embraced?" He asks. I nod. "That's good Emily, I'm happy for you." I can see he's moved but I also know how much he wants to be on better terms with Lorelai as well.

"You'll have that too." I promise him but he isn't convinced.

"I'm not so sure Emily. You and Lorelai were quite close when she grew up but she and I weren't ever that close. Granted I didn't fight as much with her as you did either but that is mainly because we don't have as many boiling points as you have. Sure we hugged and kissed when she was a child and I returned home and she sat on my lap when I had the time but honestly, I can't blame her when she tells me I didn't have enough time for her. I was away too many times, I brushed her off when I was home because work was always so prominent on my mind."

"You really tried..."I try to tell him but he interrupts.

"I didn't try hard enough." He concludes.

"She knows you made an effort, Richard, I'm sure of that." I tell him. „She loves you."

"And I love her. But I don't know how to tell her. I've never been good with words. I don't know how to express my feelings. You're the only person I've ever told how I feel. You've got that power, dear." He smiles and strokes my cheek.

"Well then, tell me." I request.

"I love you." Those are words we rarely speak but when he uses them, they send shivers down my spine.

"How much?" I playfully ask.

"More than words could say." He's moving closer to me.

"Show me then."

"Gladly." We kiss and he moves his hands under my nightgown, touching my bare skin. Then he begins to kiss my neck.

"I thought you were tired."

He looks at me. „I'm never too tired to love you, Emily." I look him in the eye. I can see he's exhausted from work, but there are a lot more emotions in his face. He's content that I'm healthy. He's happy for me because I finally made progress with our daughter but there is also sadness in his eyes, fear that he won't ever be able to show Lorelai how he feels. I know the feeling. It's etched in our guts ever since the moment we found that letter on the sideboard. I remember how we made love the first time after Lorelai left us all those years ago, how passionate we were, how desperate we clung to each other to feel loved, to give love. I remember how Richard made love to me when Lorelai told me we're done at our vow renewal; how he assured me that he at least would always be there. I realize that while he is totally exhausted and should probably sleep, he needs me now. He needs me to love him, to make love to him tonight, assuring him that I will always be there. I take his face in my hands and draw him to me.

"I love you Richard." I whisper in his ear with as much reverence as I can muster. Then I move my fingers to open his pajamas.

* * *

"_Gilmore." I answer the phone._

"_Emily, it's me." A familiar voice says._

"_Hope, hello, how are you?" I'm happy to hear my little sister._

"_I'm fine, but I'm sorry Emily I didn't call to talk, I wanted you to do me a favour."_

"_Oh, ok." I say, a bit disappointed. I look upstairs where Lorelai begins to cry, the telephone ring probably woke her up. "What is it?"_

"_It's Tom." My mood darkens immediately at my brother's name. When did I begin to despise him? I used to love him, there was a time when we inseparable. But then he left, I remind myself, I thought he loved me, I thought he was my family, and he left. Without telling me before._

"_What's up with him?" I ask curtly._

"_Nothing. That's the point. You know we talk from time to time. But I can't reach him. I tried for a whole week now. Mom is in Japan or in China or somewhere else in Asia, throwing our dead father's money out of the window. At first a maid would answer and tell me Thomas' not there, although I could clearly hear his voice but today, no one answered the phone. Can you imagine that Emily? In our house?"_

"_Maybe he just wants to cut you from his life, maybe he wanted to be alone today. I would have taken the chance if Mom had been away for once, too." I tell her, not particularly interested in worrying about my brother. I hear Lorelai's cries getting louder. I know she's hungry. I gave the nanny the afternoon off. I desperately wish for a phone which you can take with you. I heard someone's in the process of inventing one. Well, I'll be the first to buy it._

"_No Emily, listen, he's really sorry that you and he aren't speaking. He wouldn't cut me off without a reason."_

"_You are just too good for this world, Hopie." I sigh. "Fine, what shall I do? As far as I know Georgina Hanson still lives in the neighborhood. I can ask her if she could go over to see if everything's alright." I offer._

"_No, you have to go yourself." She pleads._

"_No way." What kind of request is that?_

"_Come on. He'll open up once he sees that you are worried."_

"_Hopie I have a crying infant here, Richard's parents are coming over for dinner and I don't want to drive the whole way to New York just to see my whining brother complain about his latest exam or something like that. He can call Mom, I bet she'll come and comfort him gladly."_

"_I don't think they're on good terms anymore. Really, he sounded strange the last time we talked. I think he is very unhappy with his decision."_

"_He should have thought about that when he had the time. Listen Hope, I really have to take care of Lorelai now."_

"_You're by way the most stubborn person I know." She tells me and hangs up the phone._

_And she is one of the most impulsive persons I know. She'll calm down sooner or later. The latest when Tom calls._

_Still her pleading is nagging at me. I don't want to think about it, but when I go upstairs, feed my hungry daughter and the maid what to cook for dinner, her words are repeating over and over in my head. It is really curious that no one answered the phone in our house. Tom knows that Mom always controls the staff at home. If she called and no one answered, she would have a field day. The same goes for her learning that Tom gave them the day off._

_I don't have the slightest idea why I'm doing it but half an hour later, I'm on the highway, Lorelai sleeping in her carrier on the backseats. I wrote a note to Richard, he will understand, his father will probably understand, his mother will definitely not understand but I can't seem to work up a good stand with her anyway._

_When I arrive at the house it's already dark outside. The house is completely dark too, which is very strange. I take Lorelai's carrier and look for my key in my handbag. When I put into the lock and it still fits, I'm surprised for a moment that Mom did not have locks exchanged. I turn on the light in the entrance. Tom surely isn't home. Nevertheless, I put the carrier with the still sleeping Lorelai on the table and go to look upstairs. Suddenly, I hear a noise. I chide myself for coming here alone. Then I realize that it's the sound of water. I call out for my brother as I near myself the bathroom but there is no answer. I cautiously open the door which isn't locked and back away at the sight that greets me. Red.Water.Blood. I scream._

* * *

I suddenly jerk awake, sitting up in bed, not sure if I'm really screaming. I must at least have been loud because Richard wakes as well. Sweat is running down my forehead and neck. Cold sweat.

"Darling what is it?" Richard asks worriedly. He sits up as well and touches my forearm.

"Nightmare." I'm breathing heavily.

"Come here." He murmurs sleepily and takes me in his arms while we lay down again.

"Wait a minute." I tell him and make my way to our bathroom. I splash cold water onto my face. I see my hands are shaking, so livid is the memory, even after all those years. I'll never know how I managed to call the police, the ambulance and Richard and how I managed to talk to them that night. I remember my crying baby, me not being able to calm her down, crying myself, waiting till Richard finally came. He managed to calm both of us down, on a certain level at least and I don't know if I have ever been gladder about the fact that I married a man who stays extremely calm and rational in situations like those. I remember that even Richard's mother was trying to comfort me that night. I snort. I must have looked really devastated to evoke that reaction.

Richard knocks on the bathroom door. Then he cautiously peeks in. I smile weakly.

"Everything alright with you?" He asks.

I nod. "I'm fine. You know how it is with nightmares. You don't want to close your eyes afterwards, in case the pictures come back."

He steps in and walks to me. Then he puts his arms around me from behind. I see us together in the mirror. Our hair is disheveled and Richard hasn't put on his pajama top again after we made love before. Still I absent-mindedly notice that we look good together. And we feel good together. Body and Soul.

"It was THE dream wasn't it?" He asks me softly. I think about lying for a short moment but it wouldn't make any sense. So I nod.

"It's over." He only says.

"I know." I whisper. Still we both know that while I haven't ever been a very easy-going and carefree character, I lost my ability to be easy or carefree almost completely that night.

"He had his reasons to do it." Richard tells me.

"There isn't a reason to do this. There are always other ways." I say angrily. And there are. Still I thought about trying to kill myself when my baby left me. But that would have been stupid and selfish.

"You're right. There are." Richard softly pulls up my hair and puts a kiss on my neck. "Come to bed Emily. I'm here."

I nod again. But when I see our bed, I realize I'm not really tired now.

"Go to bed, darling, I look for Isabelle for a moment." I tell my husband and move to the nursery where I just watch the sleeping infant. Somehow she calms down like the sight of my own sleeping baby eventually did that night. When I finally come back to my bed, the sun is already fading in.

* * *

I enjoyed breakfast with Richard and Isabelle. We're growing more accustomed to her every day and she really has a sunny character. Now I ready myself to drive to Stars Hollow. Lorelai agreed to watch Isabelle while I have to run an important DAR meeting. I'm already in my coat when the doorbell rings. I open it, unnerved that the maid is slower than a turtle.

"Yes." I say and then my voice gets stuck in my throat at recognizing who is standing in front of me.

"Hello Emily." My big brother says.

* * *

Coming up (soon): Ghosts of the past 


	11. Chapter 11

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 11: Learning the truth**

* * *

"Hello Emily." My big brother says.

I stare at him in silence. Then I manage to whisper his name. Is he really standing before me? Get a hold of yourself, my mind desperately screams at me. "What are you doing here?" I don't sound as steady as I'd like to sound.

"I came to see you." He just says.

"I thought you were in the..." I don't say the word.

He shakes his head. "Not anymore. They released me a few months ago. I'll never now why, after all those years, but they told me I can go and I'm very glad. I traveled around some and thought about my life a lot and I came to the conclusion that I want to see my sisters, make peace with you, Emily, just talk."

Sisters huh? You only got one now, brother. But I can't tell him that now, I can't tell him anything now.

"Listen, Thomas, I'm in a hurry." I point at the coat I'm already in. "Let me think about this ok? Do you stay in a hotel? You could give me your number and I call you when I'm ready to talk." I say "when" not "if" because deep down I know I want to talk to him. I want answers why he did it, I want answers what happened afterwards, what Hopie and I never managed to learn because our own mother cut us off from any information.

"I'm staying in a small Inn a couple of kilometers away. It's called..."

Oh no, I think even while he is talking, please don't say the word, please don't let it be...

"...the Dragonfly." He says.

I had that one coming, I really should have known it. When things like these happen the level of complication always rises by the minute.

"I can give you the number." He offers me.

I snort. "I know the number of that inn." By heart, I could add.

"Oh, you've been there?"

Do I tell him the truth? Thomas has never seen Lorelai. Lorelai doesn't even know her uncle still lives, I'm not even sure if she remembers that I once told her I had a brother, who is dead now. On the other hand, as chatty as Lorelai is, when Thomas would mention he had a sister in Hartford and Lorelai would say "Oh my parents live there", and one thing would lead to another...that would be a bad way to find out – for both of them.

"I've been there Thomas. Listen...my daughter runs that inn." I confess.

He's speechless for a moment. "Your daughter?" He asks incredulously. I nod. "Tall, dark hair, blue eyes?" I nod again. "Oh." He makes.

"Yes and there is one more problem. She doesn't know that you still live."  
He raises his eyebrows but then gives a weak smile. I haven't seen my brother smile in over forty years.

"I can't blame you for not telling her, I guess. So what do you wanna do? She doesn't have to know, that's alright with me."

"No, I want her to know. But I have to tell her." I insist.

"Of course, Emily, I'll be silent."

Good. Now how do I manage to get rid of him, drive to Inn and see Lorelai, without him seeing Isabelle? In that moment she begins to cry. Too late.

"Oh you've got a baby there Emily?"

"Um yes." What do I do?

"Your grandchild?" He wants to know.

I quickly think. Why not?

"Yes." I lie. "And I've got to bring her back to her mother now."

"Of course."

I get Isabelle and close the door.

"So you will call me?" He asks, already walking towards his car.

"I will." I promise. He seems to think of something and comes a few steps closer to me again.

"Can I see the baby?"  
I pull back the blanket a bit and let him take a look.

"She looks a lot like you." He says. "Your daughter is more Richard though."

I nod. "I know."

"Still there is something in her which reminded me of you." He tells me and I don't know if it's a sweet lie or the truth. There is not much of me in Lorelai but sometimes I can see it too.

"She's your only child?" He asks when I put Isabelle's carrier in the car.

"Yes." I walk around the car and stand by the door for a moment.

"She's lovely." He tells me and smiles again.

I manage to smile back at last, a small smile of approval. "Yes she is."

"I'll drive a bit around Hartford now, I guess. I'll see you soon?" He's still unsure.

"You will." I promise again and watch him drive away, before I start my own way to Stars Hollow. To confess to my lovely daughter that I lied to her for the last 38 years.

* * *

When I arrive at the Dragonfly, Lorelai's on the phone and tipping wildly into the computer. She looks very businesslike and a small wave of pride overcomes me. She looks up for a moment and discovers me. She smiles and waves and I give her a small wave back. I'm a bit nervous. We've just come to better terms and now I have to tell her that her "dead" uncle is very much alive. She finishes her phone call and steps to me from behind the counter.

"Hey Mom." She says and then awkwardly bends to kiss me on the cheek. I smile. We will have to get accustomed to that touching thing again.

"Hello Lorelai." I greet her. She takes the baby carrier from me and puts it on a table.

"And who do we have here? We're going to have so much fun, honey." She tells Isabelle, who shrieks delightedly when Lorelai tickles her.

I fidget with my hands. What do I say?

"Lorelai..."I begin but drift off. She looks at me expectantly.

"Yes, Mom?" She asks.

I work up my courage. "You have a guest here, a man called Thomas Johnson."

"Um, let me look, yes he stays here. Why, do you know him?"

I nod, trying to look casually

"Wait, he stays in room fifteen, ah I remember, seemed to be a nice guy, not that we talked much. How do you know him?" She thinks Thomas is an old friend or colleague of her father and me, there's no doubt about that. I decide to just spit it out. I take a deep breath.

"He's my brother." I confess. She stares at me in silence. "My big brother." I continue. She still stares. "Your uncle."

"I didn't know I had an uncle." She says, her voice unreadable.

"I told you I had a brother." Maybe I could just pretend that she forgot.

"You told me he were dead." She hasn't forgotten.

"Well he was dead in a way." I defend myself.

"And now he's alive again. " She states, matter-of-factly.

"Yes."

We're silent again. She looks at me, her eyes boring into mine. Finally she says: "An explanation is following swiftly, I hope."

"I can't tell you much more. He stood on our doorstep this morning. He told me he wanted to talk and that he stays here. But I had to go and I'd call him." I explain.

"But why did you tell me he was dead? Where has he been the last forty years?" She's getting a bit angry now.

"That's a long story, Lorelai."

"Shoot." She challenges.

"I didn't think I would ever see him again." I feel like retreating into a corner. I realize however that she learned this kind of questioning from me.

"That's no reason for lying to me."

"Yes it is Lorelai, things are complicated. I can't tell you now. I'll explain to you later. I just wanted you to know, in case Thomas says something." I create time and space for myself. I will have to tell her the truth sooner or later, but right now, I prefer later.

"Hm." She just makes, clearly unsatisfied.

"I'll go now. Take good care of Isabelle and have fun." I quickly blow her a kiss and retreat to my car. I've already driven half the way to the DAR when I realize I can't concentrate on that right now. I call Lissy Halstein and ask her to hold the meeting for me. Then I drive down a well known road and stop in front of a well known bureau building. I step in and walk by the security area and the information counter, nodding hello to the faces I recognize. I take the elevator upwards. In the first floor it stops and Floyd Stiles steps in.

"Emily." He calls out, surprised.

"Hello Floyd." I say, smiling politely. I don't like him all too much. He was part of many fights Richard and I had. He often upsets my husband and with his fine plan to go against his own son, he provided one the reasons to our big split up. I love Carol however, she really is a nice woman, she just lacks a lot of self-confidence.

"How are you?" I ask.

"I'm better now I've got the right medication, thanks for asking. You want to visit Richard?" He wants to know.

"Yes."

"Does he know you're coming?"

"Not yet." The elevator arrives at the fifth floor, where Richard's office is located.

"It's lunchtime. Maybe you shouldn't surprise him, coming in unexpected like this."

I narrow my eyes. That man always wants to spread discomfort and mistrust. I step out of the elevator and turn to smile sweetly at him.

"I can always surprise my husband Floyd." I say. "Especially during lunchtime." I conspirationally add. He just shrugs his shoulders dismissively and the elevator doors close. I know what he wanted to imply. We all know the famous story of Carol walking into his office at lunchtime and catching him "in the act" with his blonde twenty-year-old secretary doll. He merely explained that all men married that long would need this from time to time. Carol never discussed it again, of course.

Floyd knows for sure that he won't succeed in implying something of that kind about Richard to me. He has to try though. Idiot.

I step in into Richard's office. There's no one in the entrance room. Good, his secretary is just too stupid. She doesn't recognize anyone, not one client, not even me. Richard has to arrange his meetings all by himself most of the time. A pity that Margie has retired.

I'm about to step into my husband's room but then I stop myself and knock. Stupid Floyd, I curse myself.

"Yes." I hear Richard say. I can tell he's preoccupied. I open the door and smile when I see him sitting over a file. He looks up.

"Emily." He exclaims. "You don't have to knock, dear, it's lunchtime." He stands up and comes around his desk to greet me."

"I just thought it was convenient."

"Nonsense. You're my wife. You don't have to knock. My secretary knows that as well. Not that she would recognize you." He sighs.

I smile up at him, thankful for him once again proving that I'm right to trust him and he bends down to kiss me. His touch comforts my confused mind, it once again helps me relax and the thought of having sex on his desk right now shortly crosses my mind. I imagine Floyd walking in on us. I laugh against Richard's mouth. He breaks our kiss.

"Just when got my kissing so amusing?" He asks.

"It's not your kissing that amuses me, dear, I just had a funny idea." I explain.

"Which was?" He wants to know.

"Not important." I dismiss it. He's a man. He would want to take me up on it. And then our backs would hurt for days. We know that from experience. Ancient experience and we didn't exactly get any younger.

"I came here because I had a very surprising visit this morning and I wanted to tell you about it."

"Well then, let's go into a restaurant, shall we?" He suggests and I nod.

* * *

We're on our way back to Richard's office and we're pretty quiet. I told him about my brother's "visit" and he seems to be quite a bit worried.

We stop in front of my car now and Richard opens the door for me. A few meters away I see Floyd standing with some other men. When he sees Richard he tips on his watch and motions him to hurry.

"I gotta go, Emily. Call me when you talked to Lorelai again."

"Hm." I make.

"She'll understand." He promises. He kisses me on the cheek but I won't have it. I take his face in my hands and kiss him on the mouth, long and languishly. Richard softly presses my back to the frame of my car as he responds surprised but eagerly. I slightly open my eyes and watch Floyd. He looks at us disapprovingly. Good. I break the kiss.

"Thank you darling. Now go playing." I smile and he kisses my forehead one more time before I sit and he closes the door after me. I watch him shake hands with the other guys standing with Floyd. He looks so professional, business-like but polite and friendly. He's gorgeous. His clients must love him. I do. I smile and drive off, back to the inn.

* * *

I'm in a good mood when I arrive in Stars Hollow. Richard's right. Lorelai will understand my reasoning. When I step into the inn, my good mood vanishes in a matter of seconds. He's there. And he talks with my daughter. And she has the baby on her lap. I take a deep breath and step closer.

"What are doing here?" I ask my brother without any hello first.

"I told I stay here." He tells me.

"I know that. I mean what are you doing talking to my daughter?"

"She..." He wants to answer but I interrupt.

"I told you to keep silent until I talked with her." I want to continue but this time Lorelai interrupts me.

"I asked him to talk, Mom." I look at her dumbfounded.

"What?"

"When he came to get his key, I told him, we had talked and if I could ask him a few questions." She explains.

"But why Lorelai? I told you not to!" I exclaim, angrily.

"You said no such thing!" She says.

"I told you I would explain everything to you later."

"That doesn't mean that I can't look for an explanation myself." She shouts.

"Listen Emily, we didn't talk much, she just asked me a few questions about my age, my profession and..."

"Go." I interrupt. He doesn't move. "Go, Thomas. I want to talk to my daughter. Alone."

"Alright." He stands up and nods good-bye to Lorelai. "It was nice talking to you. I talk to you later, Emily." He disappears to his room. I look after him and when he's gone I turn towards Lorelai again.

"Why can't you just once listen to me?" I ask her, exasperated.

"You came here this morning, tell me I've got an uncle all of sudden, I learn that you lied to me for my whole life, then you leave and now you scold me for talking to your brother, which you didn't forbid me, by the way."

"I just don't want you to talk to him. Why is that so hard to understand?"

"But why?"

"Because he's not good for you."

"But why?" She gets louder and more insistent.

"Because you don't know what happened and where he has been the last thirty-eight years."

"Then tell me!" She requests.

"Fine." I finally give in. We sit down and I take a deep breath. Just when I want to start talking, Rory steps into the inn.

"Mom, hey, hello Grandma." She greets us, kissing us on the cheek. "What's new here?" Lorelai looks at me, so long that Rory looks at me too.

"Grandma?" She asks.

"Sit down Rory, you're going to learn something about Grandma's life today."

"Alright, so, Hopie wasn't my only sibling. I have a big brother, Thomas. The three of us were quite inseparable when we were children but when Thomas finished school, he had to go to Harvard. I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother, none of us had." I look at Lorelai while I'm talking but her face is unreadable. "She was the one with the good name in my family, her family was quite famous, though my father had much more money. He was a lawyer and Thomas should become one too. He should go to Harvard of course, like all male members of our family went before." Now I look at Rory, who looks shocked, to say the least. "He hated it, I hated it, it was part of why I was so happy you went to Yale. I saw my brother at Harvard, I saw Richard at Yale, and it was like hell and heaven. Anyway, in his second year in Harvard, Thomas suddenly disappeared. I didn't know where he went but I could understand him very well. My mother put the blame on me, somehow she always managed to do that and threw me out of our house. I went to college and soon after I moved into my dorm, Hopie stood on my doorstep. Mom threatened to cut us off from all money but our father continued to support us secretly. Then we suddenly got a call from Mom, she told us Thomas came back and they had to pay for Harvard again and couldn't support us any longer. She generously offered to take me and Hopie back in, however it would have been pure hell with her. Our father had resigned himself to silence one day, I can't even remember him being anything but silent. He was a brilliant man, but my mother dominated his life as much as she dominated Thomas'. Luckily, Richard asked me to marry him at that time and I didn't have to go back. Hopie married Paul soon after that. We were visiting them in France when we got a call, telling us our father was deadly ill. We traveled back and stayed in our parents' house for one last time. Thomas and I had very little contact since he came back, I couldn't understand him for doing so, I felt like he was giving into blackmail of our mother. I talked with my father, I wanted him to tell me I was right and our mother was wrong but he couldn't. He was too weak, no matter if sick or healthy. I left the house forever that night. I had tried to fight but it had been useless. My mother told me to never come back, which I didn't. Our father died, I went to the funeral but I never talked with my brother or mother again. Hopie however stayed in loose contact with Thomas. One night, you were still an infant back then, Lorelai, she called me and told me she was worried about Thomas. She asked me to drive to our house to look if he's alright, which I did, after I struggled a while with myself. I took you with me in your carrier. When I arrived in the house it was dark." I swallow before I continue. Lorelai's expression is still unreadable and Rory looks at me, still shocked but also genuinely interested. "When I walked upstairs I heard the sound of flowing water. I went into the bathroom and there he was. He was lying in the bathtub, the water was deeply red. There was blood everywhere. He had cut his artery, trying to commit suicide. I don't know how but I managed to call an ambulance. They could save him. My mother came back from a trip from Asia and had him put into psychiatry. I never heard from him again. I didn't want to, Hopie tried for a while but my mother blocked off all tries. When she died a few years later, my sister tried again but she had him hidden like he was in witness protection. I don't know what happened, but obviously he was released a few months ago and today he stood on my doorstep. That's pretty much the story." I close my monologue.

There's silence. Then Rory speaks: "But why did he try to commit suicide?"

"I don't know." I answer truthfully. "I think he couldn't stand the pressure of being the only presentable son."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you had a bad relationship with your mother too?" Lorelai finally speaks.

"Oh please Lorelai it was nothing like our relationship." I tell her.

"No? Why not? There seem to be some familiarities in the story." She calmly says.

"Don't compare me to my mother." I warn her.

"And why not Mom?" She asks again, speaking louder now. "Maybe you should have learned from her mistakes."

"You have no idea what my relationship with my mother was like."

"You had a strained relationship, we have a strained relationship, sounds awfully the same."

"But it isn't." I yell at her.

"Damn it Mom, why not?"

"I never beat you, I didn't throw you out, I was interested in your life, Lorelai. My mother treated me like an unwanted burden, most of the time she was only interested in her liquor and when I told her that, she slapped the hell out of me. You don't honestly want to imply that I am like her."

"No Mom you weren't." She says. "But you're a liar."

I want to say something but she continues.

"How could our relationship ever be alright when I don't know the first thing about you? I did know nothing about your family, your mother, your father and Thomas. Even when we were on good terms you never told me the truth. Honesty is a value, you told me. Is it to you? We could have been better Mom, if you had told me the reasons for your behavior, I would have understood you better, but you didn't give me any chance!"

"Lorelai..." I begin but she interrupts me again.

"No, Mom, I don't want to talk to you right now." She storms off, into the garden or the kitchen, anywhere but here. I look after her and Rory comes to me. She lays a comforting arm around my shoulder.

"She'll come around." She promises. I turn to her and gently stroke her cheek.

"Maybe she will. But she's right. It's my fault. She is perfectly right." She looks at me in a sad way and I kiss her good-bye on the forehead. Then I take Isabelle's carrier and stuff and drive home.

* * *

Coming up: Coming around 


	12. Chapter 12

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 12: Coming around**

_A/N: I really don't know what it was with this chapter, I had many problems writing it, I hope the next chapter will be up sooner. This turned out to be a long chapter however and I hope you'll be able to enjoy it. Thanks to everyone for your lovely reviews, keep them up, special thanks to all those Trollops, cheering me up and being so patient._

* * *

There's a thunderstorm outside when I return home. I put Isabelle, who luckily doesn't seem to be bothered by my fight with Lorelai,to bedand go downstairs to get myself a drink. I think about Lorelai's words. Would we really have been different if she knew about my own estrangement with my mother? I don't know. I never saw us as estranged as my mother and me. I hated my mother, I still do. I hope Lorelai doesn't hate me and I think she doesn't. 

Still there is some truth in her words. She may have understood me better, my reasoning, my insecurities in raising her. I have been different than my mother, I've been better by all means. I haven't been good enough. I know that.

The main door is being opened and I hear Richard's steps. I would recognize them everywhere.

"Emily?" He calls out.

"In the living room." I shout back and he comes in, fixes himself a drink, sits down beside me and kisses my cheek.

"You haven't called me. How was your talk with Lorelai?" He asks suspicion already in his voice.

I sigh. "It didn't go all to well."

"Why not?"  
"When I came back to the inn, she sat in the lobby, talking. With Thomas." I explain.

"No." He moans.

"Yes. And she started the conversation of course. She told me she wanted to know some more about my life. So I sent Tom away and then told them about everything."

"Them?" Richard asks.

"Yes Rory came to the inn too. I told them about my siblings, parents and how I saw Thomas the last time. And Lorelai didn't take it all too well. She wanted to know why I never told her, of course. And she drew comparisons between my mother and me."

"You are nothing like your mother." He says.

"No, I guess I am not. But she told me we could have been better if I told her about my own estranged relationship with my mother. And well, she has got a point there."

Richard ponders what I said. Then he slowly nods. "Maybe. But when should you have told her? As a child? As she went to school? Or as she became a teenager? It's hard to find the right time, Emily and by all means, it was very probable that she wouldn't ever find out."

"You're right, I know you're right but if she knew she maybe would have understood me better. Maybe I just didn't want to think about it, didn't want to deal with it any longer. Maybe if I thought about it from time to time I would have understood her better as well."

"Why should you have?" Right, he doesn't know everything as well.

"Well, the reason my mother threw me out..."I start.

"...was that you had a bad influence on your little sister." He continues. I look away. "Emily?"

I look at him again and sigh. "It was part of the reason. You just don't know what kind of bad influence." He stares at me blankly. "She found my pill package."

"Pills?" He asks, obviously not understanding my meaning. I have to smile despite the situation.

"Richard, THE pill."

"Oh." I can see the wheels turning in his head. "But when we were...we used..."

I sigh again. It seems to be the day of truth. "I know we did. But when the pill had just come out, I decided to try it and took it for a while. Mom found it and threw me out because I had sex before marriage and didn't want Hopie or anyone else to know. I stopped taking the pill because it had too many side effects."

"But why did you take it anyway? I was your first..." He trails off when he sees me bite my lip. "I wasn't your first." He states.

"No you weren't." I confess. "There was this boy from the neighborhood I went to school with. We just fooled around, it wasn't anything like love." I explain.

"And I always had a bad conscience because we didn't wait till we were married. I thought I took your virginity." He mumbles.

"See, if I just thought about that from to time I maybe would have understood Lorelai better and not have played the terrible morale mother all the time."

"Yes, maybe." Richard says calmly but I can see a storm rising up in him. Great, now he's mad at me too.

"Richard, it's not important."

"For me it is."

"Please don't turn this into something big." I beg but don't succeed.

"I'm sorry Emily but this is big. You lied to me. For our whole marriage. Even before that!"

"Why do you make such a fuss? You slept with Pennylin too. And with other girls too, if I remember correctly."

"Yes but you knew about that, didn't you?"

"I did." I admit. "But really Richard, I didn't mean to lie to you. I just never had the possibility to tell you."

"Before we slept together for the first time would have been a great moment. Do you know how scared I was to hurt you?"

"You didn't ask. You just assumed I was virgin." Our voices are really loud by now and I know I will be loosing this fight. Richard's just as right as Lorelai was. I'm a coward when it comes to talking, to confessions and truths.

"You gave me no indication what's-o-ever that that wasn't the case."

"I'm sorry."

He snorts. "Sure you are."

"Well, when it comes to lying in our marriage maybe you shouldn't play the innocent. You lied to me about Pennylin." I snarl.

"No, Emily not those old stories. We spoke about them when we reconciled and had they all cleared. Would have been a great moment to tell me the truth about you and your past with that man, by the way. Instead you put all the blame for lying to you on me and let me have guilty feelings all the way."

"The difference is that your lies happened IN our marriage and my lie happened BEFORE it." I tell him.

"Funny, because IN our marriage I still thought I was your first."

"Oh come on, let your ego stay out of this. I told you it wasn't important. It wasn't the greatest experience either. It hurt and I can't say that I took much pleasure in it."

He's quiet now and I lay a hand on his upper thigh. I don't want to fight with him as well, not now, not today.

"I love to think you were my first Richard, maybe I did for all those years. You are the only one who counts."

He still doesn't say anything but I can see his resolve melting. I lay my head on his shoulder. "Please, let's not fight tonight." I whisper and he turns his head to look at me. He can see my vulnerability which is always visible when I fought with Lorelai or him. I very seldom fight with both of them at the time, I realize. Am I nicer to the respective other or do they hold themselves back when they see that vulnerability? Probably both.

"Ok." He just says. I kiss his cheek and let my head stay on his shoulder. We stay like that for a while but I can see, he's still thinking about my confession.

"But I'm better?" He asks after a while and I have to smile. Men.

"You are much better." I assure him. "In fact with him it was over before it really began. Still he somehow managed to hurt me in the process."

"Unbelievable." He murmurs and lets his own hand run up and down my thigh.

"What is unbelievable?" I want to know.

„That he was able to throw away the chance to make love to the most beautiful women properly." You wouldn't believe it but I really blush a bit at his comment. He pushes my skirt up to touch my bare skin beneath it. Then he continues to run his hand over my leg, somewhat absent-mindedly yet tender. Suddenly he looks me in the eye.

"Weren't you scared of our first time then?" He seems to be very bothered by that thought.

"Well, a bit. But you know it always hurts a bit the first time for a woman. I was optimistic that it would be better the second time around. And you had been very nice and respectful to me."

He nods slowly and then looks at my legs again.

"So I didn't hurt you?" He asks and blushes now a bit. I can see while he has to ask those questions to calm his mind, he's also a bit embarrassed talking about sex, he always was. Well, I don't need him to talk about it anyway.

"No you didn't." I gently brush my fingers over his cheekbone and forehead.

"Never?"

"Never." I assure and he definitely is relieved.

"Good. You know I couldn't live knowing that I hurt you in the process of getting my own pleasure."

"Richard you get me pleasure too, don't you worry about that. I can assure you our love life has always been very pleasant for me." I promise. I know it's important for him. I remember when he first read that women are able to fake their orgasms he was acting strangely in bed for weeks till I finally managed to get him to confess what he had heard and well, I could reassure him in that point either.

There's a flash outside followed by real loud thunder. I love thunderstorms, I always have. The air afterwards is crisp and priceless. The best thing about thunderstorms however is to be safe and warm while they storm outside.

"Let's go to bed Richard." I tell my husband and he contentedly agrees.

We walk upstairs and I go into the bathroom to ready myself for bed when I get an idea.

"Richard" I call out and go back into our bedroom, "let's watch Casablanca tonight." He just smiles broadly at me and nods. He knows where that idea came from.

When we were back from our honeymoon and slept the very first night here in this house, there was a terrible thunderstorm outside and we sat in bed, stayed awake the whole night, ate a lot of delicious things and watched Casablanca, knowing fully well that from the next day on, daily routine would settle in our live as a married couple. We were both looking forward to it but still we nostalgically said good-bye to a time which was filled with much more insecurities, more excitement and adventure. And I don't know if it's the return of my brother, the death of my sister or my constant struggle with Lorelai but somehow, I feel like being nostalgic tonight.

* * *

When Richard's off to work the next morning, I sit in the living room with Isabelle and while she is playing delightedly with some of her new favorite toys, I ponder what I'm going to do next. I guess I should talk to Lorelai but I don't have any idea how to start such a talk. 

I also have to talk to Thomas, I don't even know how long he's going to be around here in the area. I look at Isabelle. I certainly hope Lorelai hasn't told him the truth about the baby. That settles it, I have to talk to her first, to know how well Tom knows our family situation.

Isabelle hands me a soft ball and laughs when I squeeze it and it makes some sort of monkey noise. I smile at her and bend to kiss her forehead.

"Honey, just stay a child as long as you can, can you promise me that?" I ask her and she looks at me with those big eyes, incredibly sweet, not understanding a word of what I'm saying. I still hope she does as I told her. My childhood was not the best and although I tried to provide Lorelai with a very blessed one, she made it very clear that she didn't like her childhood very much either, so I really hope that Isabelle will be a happy child.

I reach for the telephone and dial Lorelai's cell phone number.

"Hello?" She answers it.

"Hello Lorelai, it's me."

"Oh. " She just makes.

"Yes I'm happy to talk to you too."

"What it is Mom?" She immediately sounds unnerved.

"I wanted to talk to you." I answer. "About yesterday."

"Any more lies you have to tell me?" She bitches.

"Lorelai, listen I got to explain a few things to you. Can't we just meet and talk later on?"

"Fine." She gives in.

"Good, thank you, I can come to the Dragonfly this afternoon." I offer.

"No, that's alright, I'm coming over, I've got to get a few things in Hartford anyway."

"Fine. When will you be here? Three?"

"Three sounds fine." She agrees, not terribly enthusiastic.

"Good. Three it is. I'll see you later."

"Bye." She hangs up. That went well. Not very well but at least I don't had to pry forever to get her to talk to me.

It's just half past two and I just brought Isabelle to bed. We had lunch but she didn't each much, I guess she getting a cold or something like that, she seemed to be a bit too warm for my taste. She fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow however and maybe she was just overtired. I close the door to her nursery when I hear the doorbell ring.

"Lorelai, you're early." I say, surprised when the maid opens the door and my daughter stands in the entrance.

"I'm sorry. Shall I drive around the block for half an hour?" She sarcastically asks.

"Don't be silly." I admonish her. "However I hope that you are aware of the fact that it's not very polite to turn up early when you have a scheduled appointment." I can't help it, whenever I see her and she does something like that, I still want to teach her the things she needs to know.

"I'm sorry your majesty, next time I will make sure to follow your protocol." She tells me.

I throw her a glance. "Good." I let the moment pass, letting her know that I won't be angered by her flip remarks today, knowing fully well that she will stop throwing them in immediately when she realizes that. "Let's go upstairs, I want to show you something."

I lead her into her old room. I see her stiffen a bit the moment she steps into it and regret flows through me. I hate that she doesn't like her room. I love it. I loved seeing her play in here, waking her up in the morning and sneaking in at night to watch her sleeping, making sure she was alright. Still she was glad I didn't turn the room into something else, which cheers me up a little.

"What's that?" She asks when she sees the photo albums, letters and other memorabilia I put on her bed.

"Memories." I just answer. I stay by the door and watch how she sits down on her bed and slowly takes one of the photo albums. She quietly flips through it and then looks up to me.

"Why do you show me all this stuff?" She gestures around.

"I wanted to share a bit of my past with you."

"Isn't that a little late, Mom?" She accuses.

"Is it ever too late?" I return. Lorelai sits quietly for a moment.

"Why haven't you told me? I mean you must have felt me drifting away from you. If you had shared that with me it might have brought us closer together." She calmly asks me.

I sigh. "I don't know, Lorelai. I just never seemed to find the right time. I didn't want to think about it either. The possibility that this could bring us closer together didn't enter my mind. I was scared too."

"Of what?"

I look her in the eye. "That you would accuse me to be like her."

"I wouldn't Mom." She promises but she knows damn well that while being in anger, she would.

"I didn't tell you everything yesterday."

"There's more?"

I nod. "She threw me out of her house because I had sex before marriage. She found my pill package."

She stares at me for a while. A long while. Then she speaks again. "So you and Dad..." She drifts off.

I smile ruefully. "Well your Dad and me, too yes. You should never marry a man without having slept with him, Lorelai, you never heard me saying that you shouldn't. You need to know that you...communicate well in that area. But before him..." I take a deep breath. "I wasn't a virgin when I met your father." I look at her but she shows no reaction. "I had slept with a boy from the neighborhood whom I had known for a long time."

"So you did what I did with Chris." She states.

"Except that I was nineteen and took the pill, Lorelai." I remember that I wanted to throw that in her face when she came home pregnant but then I would have needed to tell her the whole truth and well, that's where we are now.

"What would she have done if you had been pregnant?" She wants to know.

I shrug. "Probably the same thing my aunt did. My cousin had an abortion with eighteen. Well officially she was suffering from a hard flu in a sanatorium."

She's silent. I sit beside her on the bed and we are quiet for some time.

"You weren't like her." Lorelai suddenly says. "Never."

I look at her and give in to the sudden urge to touch her, feel free to touch her after the talk we had the other day. I softly put one of her loose hair strands behind her ear.

"Thank you. But I guess I was awfully similar at times."

She shakes her head. "No you weren't, Mommy." I let my hand stay on her cheek for a moment. Then she turns to the photo albums and letters beside her.

"I will need weeks to sort through this." She takes a letter out of the pile and begins to read. "This is very private Mom, are you sure you want me to read it?"

I look at the letter and see that it's some kind of a love letter from Richard.

"I want to share my life with you, so yes you can read and look through everything that's here. If you don't feel comfortable though, reading love letters from you parents, you certainly don't have too."

"Did Aunt Hope tell Guillome about her past?" She asks me.

"I don't know. I doubt it. We very seldom talked about the past, neither with each other nor with others." She nods.

"And Dad?"

"What about him?"

"Does he know everything about you?"

I smile. "Pretty much." I truthfully answer. "A woman has to keep some secrets however." I wink at her.

She smiles and continues to read. When she is finished she looks at me again.

"How do you it?"

"How do I do what?" I'm confused.

"How do you and Dad hold up," She gestures to the letter. "this."

"Oh Lorelai we were very young when your father wrote this."

"But you still love each other that way." She states, matter-of-factly.

"Lorelai, I don't know..." I begin but she interrupts.

"Come on, Mom, everyone can see it." You can? I have to say I'm flattered by her words.

"Well, sure I love your father as much as I did back then, although very differently."

"How?" Does she want me to give her advice? That would definitely be a first.

"There's not as much excitement of course. However there are other things which you don't have in a fresh relationship. The stadium between "being in love" and "loving the other" is the most trickiest I guess. You have to deal with the lack of freshness and learn to appreciate your routine and the safety and security that routine provides you with. And through his travels, your father and I have always spent a quite some time apart over the years, which is something that helps looking forward to other on the one hand but on the other hand also keeps up the fear of loosing the other. When we were apart however, I guess we both realized we can't live without each other. "

I can see there is more she wants to ask but Isabelle chooses this moment to begin to wail in the other room. We go over and I let Lorelai take Isabelle out. I watch her changing the nappies. She looks very professional.

"Don't you want another child Lorelai?" I ask her and she visibly stiffens at the question.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to pry." I apologize, disappointed that she still doesn't want me to ask her private things.

"No." She quickly wipes away my apology and disappointment. "It's not that. It's just kind of a sore subject at the moment." She sighs.

I decide to dive in further. "Are things alright between you and Luke?"

"Well, they are..." She starts but Isabelle doesn't like to be unnoticed and begins to fuss again. Lorelai stops talking and looks for something for her to play with. I forget Luke and her for a moment when something else pops into my mind again.

"What did you tell Thomas about Isabelle?"

"Nothing. We hadn't talked long when we you came in. He seemed to assume she was my child however."

"Good." I breathe a sigh of relief. "I told him she was your child because he doesn't know that Hope is dead."

"And when do you plan to tell him?"

Good question. And one I have to think about really soon. Isabelle still wails. She isn't so quaky normally. Lorelai notices too.

"What's up honey, hm?" She strokes her cheek and then her forehead. "Mom she's hot." She looks at me alarmed.

"What do you mean, she's hot?"

"I guess she runs a fever."

"A fever?" I'm equally alarmed and step closer to feel the baby's forehead. "A high fever I would say. Let me get the thermometer." I open the drawer and get the thermometer which takes the temperature in the baby's ear.

"104.2, gosh that's very high."

"We need to take her to the doctor." Lorelai points out the obvious.

"Let's go, take her carrier, I'm driving."

* * *

_Sorry, had to do a cliffie here, otherwise this chapter would have been endless and I would never have posted it._

Coming up: Scares and Hopes


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